Archive for the ‘Evesdropping’ Category

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] You met Eve last week in “Eve” a REAL client!  Eve had come a long way in her quest for happiness and value in her first coaching session. Her next session began with thoughts about feeling guilty. Eve felt guilty about so many things. Guilt about not being the best mom,  not doing enough of ‘this’ and even doing too much of ‘that’ at times…I know that you get what I am talking about. Some of you have been there, I know I have!

 Women feel inherently guilty. I don’t mean men don’t feel guilt, but not to the same extent as women, and I realize this is a sweeping generalization. I apologize, guys. Eve did not actually say she felt guilty about all of those things, some of them came out in “should’s”. Like- “I should get home and do dinner.” or “I should’ve cleaned the house before I went out to lunch.” The third time I asked her to stop it. She didn’t know what I meant at first. I said, “STOP ‘shoulding’ all over you!” She hadn’t heard herself use the word. In the next few moments she did it again and she heard herself. I asked her why she believed she “should” do anything I am not entirely sure she understood the question clearly at first. She said it needed to be done so she should do it.

Do you have a choice? Hmmm…after some thought she realized that she actually did have a choice. I asked if it was possible to restate it in a way that gave choice. So a new statement was “The laundry needs to be done and I will do it later.” I asked her to think of other times she used ‘should’ that could be different. There was “I don’t want to do this as it’s not actually my job!” or “I am enjoying doing what I am doing right now so maybe I will get to it later.” Or “I want a piece of chocolate but I will save it for later.”

I listened to her empowered self shine from within. When you act on your choices and decisions you feel strong and confident. When you act from guilt or the “should’s” you are coming from a heavy place where value and self-esteem are hiding in the shadows. Over the next week she caught herself numerous times and most every time she thought about it then rephrased it from a place of choice. Today she hardly ever says “should” not even to other people. If you wouldn’t “should” on yourself, why would you “should” on others?

Try it for awhile; rephrase all the “shoulds” in you world and give yourself a choice. From a small word exchange you can have a great feeling empowerment!

Sneak peak: Next week Eve talks of the difficulty accepting lots of things about herself.

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  [tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] A client of mine suggested that some people might like to peek into the lives of others being coached. You may want to see how coaching works, like being a welcome voyeur. An eavesdropper! Clients that have offered to let me write about their sessions in this blog. You may not have heard of Life Coaching or have but don’t get it. Or maybe you do but aren’t sure if it’s for you or a ton of other reasons, you do not have a coach in your life right now. But hey, this may be very interesting to you anyway.
I will start with Client #1- not that she was my first client, just for the sake of ease and fun, I will call her Eve.
Eve came to me after a particularly tough winter of feeling horribly blue about her life. She was a stay at home mom pretty much until her kids all left home. No longer feeling useful and wanting something in her life, Eve tried several part-time jobs. They were each appealing in some way but there was something with each one of them that didn’t quite fit so moved on once she knew it wasn’t working for her. Eve told me that she believed her life would have been very different and probably better if she had continued on the career path she had when she was young, before children. Maybe she could have risen up the ranks in the institution she worked for and would have maybe “been somebody”. This past winter this was all she focused on- what she didn’t have, who she wasn’t.
I asked Eve one simple question- simple to me anyway, but very important to her. “Given the same choice today, would you really make a different decision?” After much thought and a long moment of silent thought, she said “No!” I asked her to tell me what she was thinking to come to that answer. Eve said that she was a mom first and foremost and the idea of having her children in daycare and after school programs was never what she wanted for her children or had herself as a child. The value to her was so high that her children knew that she would always be there for them there was no other answer. This truly would have gone against everything she was and believed. It was an absolute “No way!”
Eve had struggled off and on with this for many years, along with the tough 6 months last winter. It all disappeared in one coaching session. All this came from one laser question. Eve said she felt supported that the person who made that choice was good enough, then and now. That she was a person of value and was somebody. This choice had originally been made with her husband. But now it was hers. Eve is now living her choice and happy about it. I will give you updates on Eve in the weeks to come.iBut to give you a sneak peek on our next session, the “should’s” have been guiding Eve’s life for some time now and tune in next Friday to see how she works through it. And that is where I will leave you this week.
If coaching sounds like something you would be interested in, just jot me a line. Typically, coaching is done over the phone so it is not necessary to be local to me. I would be pleased to give you a free 15 minute “Laser Coaching Session.”
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