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Archive for the ‘Perfectionism’ Category

Man washing dishes

Man washing dishes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Remember the times when the teacher did roll call in class and the answer after your name was called was “present”? You were fairly present at the moment you heard your name. I don’t know about you, I was somewhere else for most of high school.

Today BEing present actually shows up by participating in the moment you are in, completely. Multi-tasking be damned, just doing one thing at a time and not wandering off in body or mind to another task, problem or issue. This is not always easy, but possible.

Are you willing to practice? Start with doing a mundane chore like the dishes or sweeping the floor. While you are doing it concentrate on the actual washing/sweeping. “Get the corners.” “Flip the dish and scrub that spot”. How long before you were thinking about dealing with the kids or heading out to do other chores or maybe even adding another task while you are doing this one, like calling a friend or checking your email?

Caught you! I knew it, lots of you are like me! HA! When I want to let go of the turmoil in my head or the dreaded to-do list, I start by thinking I just want to BE. My to-BE at the moment is just to wash the dishes and when other things filter in, I note it then clear my mind to the task at hand.

It is really incredibly relaxing to do only one thing at a time. Meditative even.When did we get so busy? Why do we think that if we are only done ONE thing we must be lazy or inefficient?

Life is short and we ALL need to slow down a bit and just BE. This IS the good life and “Life is too short to be anything but happy!”

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A sweet chestnut forest in the swiss alps(Ticino)

A sweet chestnut forest in the swiss alps(Ticino) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There have been days as of late that I find myself standing in the middle of a room spinning. Not the kind you do as a kid with your arms wide looking up to the sky with puffy clouds and the sun peaking through. The kind where you can’t decide what to do next. I do know that this is temporary. My environment is not optimal at the moment with moving boxes everywhere and none of my “STUFF” anywhere nearby or handy.

Then there are moments where I do not feel connected to much of anything. This is a fairly rare event. Usually if I am tired or overwhelmed this is a possible outcome to just being DONE! An escape I think.

Now when I am grounded there are decisions to be made and they happen easily. Things to be done and are. Calls to be made and loads of to-dos which are systematically checked of the list and on I go with no real thought to it. When I am grounded all is really quite right in my world.

The floating, spinning me needs help at times and that is where the important stuff shows up. All I need do is realize that I am not grounded and I feel out of sorts in any way and I can ground myself. I have read books on the subject and I can tell you there are many. The simplest one I have found is Karla McLaren’s “your AURA and your CHAKRAS – The Owner’s Manual”.

If you are not sure about all this stuff or it seems BUNK to you take a moment to reflect a time when someone else was “in your space” or seemed to be “plugged  in” to you and drained all your energy. Or how you feel walking in nature or playing frisbee on the lawn or in a park. Part of that is about being grounded as well as doing something you are enjoying.

Having a bad moment go stick your hands in the garden and pull some weeds. Go for a stroll where the terra firm is below you not below the cement.  Stand on the ground and imagine your feet are like trunks of a tree and send a strong root system into the ground. There are some real lessons on how to ground yourself in this book and there are even grounding mats available out there to buy that are supposed to have a similar affect.

The point in all of this is to know when you are not grounded and find a way to get there. Look, even if this stuff still seems like “BUNK” to you. Take the time to check your presence in the moment and if you are not there, but somewhere else- take the time to breathe and notice where you are and what are you doing and connect yourself to that moment. Staying in the present is a great way to ditch the past and not get hung up in a future that has not happened yet.

At this moment I am writing a thought to those of you who have taken the time to read this thought. That is all, no more. Enjoy being grounded!

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What are you postponing right now?

Worrying about “it” is not an effective way of dealing with “it”. All you have done is keep the negative energy around it alive. Facing it and clearing it from your life instantly adds energy to you. Makes you lighter somehow. Even if the “it” was painful or difficult, you are now able to let it go and move on to something else. Life was meant to live, not to be postponed to a later date. What are you postponing right now?

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“I’ve changed my mind.” is a full sentence. Just like “No.” we need not say more.

Do we “need” an explanation from others when they say this to us? Why?

Does a decision really need to be explained or defended? Is it really our business?

Could it be about respecting others and the decisions they make for themselves?

Is it just a bad habit that can be amended by no longer asking for an explanation?

Just wondering what you think…

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]

Jack-o-latern
Image via Wikipedia

I have worked on living in FAITH for some years, but  now and again the ugly face of FEAR shows itself. I have had this project for my business that has been looming for the past 3 weeks that I have let simmer on the back burner. Simmering is not always a bad thing. While it sits there, I think about it while I read a book watch one of my favourite shows I have recorded or talked with a friend or client on the phone.

Simmering for me looks very much like procrastination, though. I talk firmly to myself to get moving on it as it is a key component to the next step in my business. All else will stem from it so it is important and not to be taken lightly. I have had it on my agenda in several places for several weeks and it never quite happened. The simmering did, then the knowledge of the avoidance happened about a week ago and the simmering became most uncomfortable.

The more I looked at the avoidance thing, the more I felt FEAR lurking in the wings. I am not a perfectionist so it is not about making it right, but about understanding the process and the ramifications of it. Can I look at it from a place of clarity or is it all fogged up from the long drawn out simmering?

I realize that I need simmer time to think things through. It’s about processing for me and I know I am not alone in this. I spent some time talking to my Life Coach last week about it and was given one week to do this then to take it off the table and color it done.  I had forgotten this timeline for a few days and last night I could not sleep. Up I got and started the process to get clarity on the project.

I worked for maybe an hour and a half and felt great about it! I was able to climb back into the warm comfort of my bed and have sweet dreams of a job halfway done. I am clear in the direction I am going in so only need about another hour to complete it. Of course this clarity gives way to other work that will take a bit of time to complete, but if not for the clarity of my contact with my coach and a timeline, it may have simmered me right into a place so frightful; the ghouls of Halloween would have been like angels to me!

Fear is necessary and can save us from being run over by a truck or eaten by a bear, but if it is keeping us from sleeping at night, it is likely telling us something. It told me the simmering was done and that I had all the clarity I needed to get the job done. I love my sleep and find it quite important to function in the light of day. I have found that clearing my plate allows me not to take work, problems and other people stuff to bed with me. I say my gratitude list and prayers that include a question that dragged my sorry butt from the bed last night.

“Did I live in fear or faith today?”  What would be your answer at the end of your day?

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]After being honest with me last week about her REAL “closet eating” issues, today we find out how she worked through her week with food.

The first thing Eve told me was that she wrote down everything, not leaving one morsel out! As she has been weighing is at a weight loss clinic for several months, she went in with all of it in hand. Eve had a day where she needed a fix and ate a box of chocolates and wrote it down as well.  The woman on the other side of the counter was quite critical about what her week. Eve went on to describe the woman as not so perfect herself and somewhat pushy, cocky and arrogant.

I asked if the woman may have been reacting to her defensiveness about what she had done. Quite possibly she said, as they had always been kind in the past. It had been uncomfortable to show her actions on paper to someone else which made her feel like she had to defend herself. Calming down she was able to mention her commitment to herself and felt more power and on another occasion had only a sliver of pie with no desire to sneak more. The sign on her fridge door was a constant reminder that it was “Just for Today” she needed to stay focused on with food.

Had she any new thoughts this week as she moved along her path to being honest with herself? Eve mentioned that she had been a pleaser all her life and worked very hard to make others happy. Now she realized that she is a good person, and needs to make her priority her own happiness. The sign that she was “good enough” last week was a great reminder as well. Eve says she walks a little prouder and everything she does is important, not menial. Everyone’s job is equally important.

Life is “ever interesting” with her spouse and the job decisions up in the air right now. Eve is now realizing that this time in her life is serving a purpose for her. When her spouse has made good decisions in the past, she usually says “I hate it when you’re right!” A great phrase to practice instead of saying you are wrong (as he never believes that he is and she is right sometime too) could be “You may be right.” There is no defensiveness or criticism in this statement. Eve loved this and could hardly wait to use it.

How has being honest with yourself this week changed how you feel about yourself?

“More relaxed and definitely more empowered! It is surprisingly less work than hiding things. I feel more in control and definitely prouder of myself even when I am not perfect.”

 How is not being perfect changing your life?

“It seems less important that it used to be. It was always the barometer of where I needed to be.”

What will you do this week to commit to this honest path of yours?

“To continue to be honest with myself and write down what I am eating no matter what it is.”

 Come back next week to see Eve honestly on her way to the bottom of it all!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Last week Eve was working on not criticizing her husband as a driver or anything else. This has been a challenge, but she catches herself and sometimes even before it leaves her lips! This is progress for Eve and she is moving forward in other areas of her life.

Eve brought up guilt today and went on to talk about how she was not doing as well as she thought she could. Eve has been a “closet eater” all her life and feels she has been letting herself down. She couldn’t even write down everything she ate. She would say she had a cookie not 4. Eve had no acceptance of her lack of will-power and has a desire to” PERFECT” this part of her life with healthy eating and no longer “dieting”.

How does “PERFECT” look to you? Eating just what I need not all the extra. Being the right size and liking what I see in the mirror. Not feeling bad about my lack of self-control in this area. Not being secretive about my eating. What if you weren’t “PERFECT” at this? I’m not but I would like to change it! Trying to be perfect makes me feel awful.

There had been some friends over to have dinner and once again she had the tiniest sliver of dessert as she was watching her weight while the company was over. After everyone else left and her beloved was out of sight she ate another piece of dessert the size she had really wanted. She felt bad about this but it had been her habit to do this for so long it was normal. Another day she brought her spouse and herself out a piece of chocolate that had been a treat only to go back and eat half the box out of sight of him.  

I asked if she ever considered confiding in her husband that she was a closet eater or just eating what she wanted in front of him. Immediately, Eve said that he would not care what she ate or what her dress size was just as long as she was happy. It really wasn’t about him it was about her.

I asked if she would consider telling him and how she would feel about it. A hesitant “maybe” was her answer- followed by her desire to be more open. He did wonder why she struggled with her weight with the amount of food he saw her eat, feeling her frustration. She realized that she had been closer to her beloved since she has been working with me so she was warming to the idea. Eve said that she was sure it would feel good to not hide her eating and that admitting it would mean no more secrets. This was appealing to Eve. The thought gave her a bit of a knot in her stomach none the less.

Eve mentioned that her awareness of herself has made it much easier to be in control. Better in most ways and said that everything doesn’t have to be so serious. Maybe food can be put there too!

Eve has moved from apprehension about the direction of their life because of her husband’s work choices and is noticing more trust and faith in him. This seems to be moving in all areas of her life and feels good because she knows that past choices have all worked out and so will future ones. In the past apprehensions and waiting has sent her to the closet. She would rather know what is going to happen then be in the waiting game, though. Can she stay in her day with her eating? This is going to be the challenge that would not go away overnight.

Honesty with herself is key to her weight issues and I asked if she was willing to start with being honest with herself by writing down every morsel she is consuming from an extra chocolate or 6 to a handful of chocolate chips.  Eve is determined to follow through this week. I had two suggestions to keep in front of her this week. One a sign on her mirror that says “I AM good enough!” and the second for her fridge that says “Just for Today”. She was on it! We will check back next week to see how she is doing. Are you or have you secretly been a “closet eater?” I would be happy to hear your comments on this issue!

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