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Posts Tagged ‘acceptance’

A sweet chestnut forest in the swiss alps(Ticino)

A sweet chestnut forest in the swiss alps(Ticino) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There have been days as of late that I find myself standing in the middle of a room spinning. Not the kind you do as a kid with your arms wide looking up to the sky with puffy clouds and the sun peaking through. The kind where you can’t decide what to do next. I do know that this is temporary. My environment is not optimal at the moment with moving boxes everywhere and none of my “STUFF” anywhere nearby or handy.

Then there are moments where I do not feel connected to much of anything. This is a fairly rare event. Usually if I am tired or overwhelmed this is a possible outcome to just being DONE! An escape I think.

Now when I am grounded there are decisions to be made and they happen easily. Things to be done and are. Calls to be made and loads of to-dos which are systematically checked of the list and on I go with no real thought to it. When I am grounded all is really quite right in my world.

The floating, spinning me needs help at times and that is where the important stuff shows up. All I need do is realize that I am not grounded and I feel out of sorts in any way and I can ground myself. I have read books on the subject and I can tell you there are many. The simplest one I have found is Karla McLaren’s “your AURA and your CHAKRAS – The Owner’s Manual”.

If you are not sure about all this stuff or it seems BUNK to you take a moment to reflect a time when someone else was “in your space” or seemed to be “plugged  in” to you and drained all your energy. Or how you feel walking in nature or playing frisbee on the lawn or in a park. Part of that is about being grounded as well as doing something you are enjoying.

Having a bad moment go stick your hands in the garden and pull some weeds. Go for a stroll where the terra firm is below you not below the cement.  Stand on the ground and imagine your feet are like trunks of a tree and send a strong root system into the ground. There are some real lessons on how to ground yourself in this book and there are even grounding mats available out there to buy that are supposed to have a similar affect.

The point in all of this is to know when you are not grounded and find a way to get there. Look, even if this stuff still seems like “BUNK” to you. Take the time to check your presence in the moment and if you are not there, but somewhere else- take the time to breathe and notice where you are and what are you doing and connect yourself to that moment. Staying in the present is a great way to ditch the past and not get hung up in a future that has not happened yet.

At this moment I am writing a thought to those of you who have taken the time to read this thought. That is all, no more. Enjoy being grounded!

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What are you postponing right now?

Worrying about “it” is not an effective way of dealing with “it”. All you have done is keep the negative energy around it alive. Facing it and clearing it from your life instantly adds energy to you. Makes you lighter somehow. Even if the “it” was painful or difficult, you are now able to let it go and move on to something else. Life was meant to live, not to be postponed to a later date. What are you postponing right now?

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Why not live life as a blonde?

I remember a commercial from decades ago told us if we did not like who we were we could “live it as a blonde”. As if changing our hair color was all we had to do. Is it really that simple? It has not been for me, how about you?

If you don’t like what’s happening to or around you – what are you doing about it?

If you want your life to be different who are you willing to become to be able to have that?

Life is good- even when it’s difficult or sad or when you are blue. Think of the alternatives.

You could have less than you do right at this very moment…yes you want more of something, but more than what exactly?

Do you know what you want? All you have to do is ask yourself, “What exactly do I want?”

Easy question but are you ready for the answer? Better yet are you ready to change? You will need to make some changes or you would have “it” already!

It’s not difficult but it is a process and if you are the impatient kind of person, this will add a different dimension to slow!  Slow can mean steady when you are doing the next thing that will facilitate the change but usually change needs choice then courage then persistence then a new habit.

Don’t stop now! You deserve to have what you want and dream about. Just because it will take more than five minutes to get there doesn’t mean it’s not worth the effort! The effort is part of the glory at the end when we know we did it!  Some folks can get a book to give them the guidance to start heading in the right direction while others need a cheerleader or someone who helps them connect with their Inner Guidance System.

That cheerleader can come in many forms. A good friend or relative, an excellent boss or even a hired hand can support you through whatever part of the path that needs it. The dedicated hands will be there to ask the hard questions and prod you on. You may not even like the kind of assistance they can give you but it is easier when it’s not a boss or spouse. Not great for building relationships if you come off not appreciative for the aide.

There are lots of tools on the internet that can get you started. The first step is a desire to change then the rest is just one step at a time.  Mind Tools is a good website resource that has all kinds of tools that can get you started, but if you decide you want a coach, of course there is me but there is also a load of info on coaching at findacoach.com.

If life for you is a simple as changing your hair colour then go for it! Live it as a blond, brunet, red head or just let it go grey, naturally. Even that takes time if you have been covering it up for a time. Cut it short and start from scratch. The results will be different and everything can change, from the colour and length of our hair, to what we do and more importantly how we feel about our SELF.

Live the life you love and love the life you live!

Life is good, isn’t it!

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“I’ve changed my mind.” is a full sentence. Just like “No.” we need not say more.

Do we “need” an explanation from others when they say this to us? Why?

Does a decision really need to be explained or defended? Is it really our business?

Could it be about respecting others and the decisions they make for themselves?

Is it just a bad habit that can be amended by no longer asking for an explanation?

Just wondering what you think…

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Life has a way of showing us the way,

which may rarely be where we were heading.

Know that you are never alone on this path…gratefully.

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A dear friend mentioned that self esteem comes from our parents. This was not news to me as I thought it was about our sense of value and that it most likely came from our parents…they/we are always the culprits. More importantly and specifically it is from being consciously listened to with eye contact. This sounds simple right? Not so simple these days. The busier we are the more things we are doing at the same time fracturing our attention from others. Not on purpose as if we don’t care, we just feel the pressure of time bearing down on us and are not present in the moment.

How about when you are chatting on the phone with a friend, are you doing the dishes or feeding the dog? I have noted that there have been times when I have been doing several things simultaneously and stopped to wonder what I was doing. Writing is one thing that I do not or maybe cannot do at the same time as anything else. Working with clients is another time I can stay focused on just the other person, but as that is mostly over the telephone eye contact is rarely a part of it. Listening with intention becomes primary and equally effective when the voice is all you have. Meditation is another but almost all else it is a real effort to stay focused on just one thing, or person.

Okay, go back. Go way back (for some of us it may feel like an eternity) to when you were a child. What kind of attention did your mom give you? Was your mom attentive to you when you were a wee one toddling around? For some, you may answer “of course she was!” But for many you either hope she was, don’t know or are sure she was not.

Mom may have been overwhelmed with many children and depended on older siblings to help take care of your needs or maybe even off at work before you were even one year old. Things have changed and moms get to stay home longer than say thirty years ago. Is it possible she was at home baking cookies when you got home from school? Or was she frantically trying to get everything in the house done like laundry and supper then baths and snacks with no real time to even read a book and tuck you in with a big hug.

Was there real time for listening? Can you envision in your mind’s eye her looking into yours with loving care and attention? Some of you can and some of you are getting a little uncomfortable now and maybe even a bit resentful. This is not my goal here. It’s about how we all can make a difference for others while we go along in our day. How can we affect our children’s, parents, friends and associates lives? One person at a time we can raise their self-esteem, their sense of personal value by giving them a small moment of your time.

If you don’t think that listening has value, just go back and think about someone who did – maybe your dad, grandparent, neighbor, relative, teacher or friend. When they took the time to really give you that care and attentive listening – how did you feel? I know that I felt special. I felt worthwhile. I felt wanted. I felt cared about. I felt loved! I no longer felt invisible in the world, even if just for a moment. Somebody thought that what I had to say was important. It felt GREAT!

Even just eye contact with a stranger walking by can more often than not elicit a smile of knowing. Knowing that they really are alive and seen by at least one other person can lift their spirit. We can go along our days unconsciously hardly seeing another person or we can make a decision that we matter enough, others matter enough to give them the time and care to stop, look and listen.

If you want to lift the SPIRIT through the self esteem of our world one person at a time, please forward this post on.

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Time…how is it treating you?

Does time get away from you? Is there enough time in your day…your Life? Do you do the things you really want to do? Is your time filled with other peoples priorities? Is there just too much to do in the 24 hours of your day? Is it all you can do to not pull the blankets over your head because your day is already overwhelming and you have not even put your feet on the floor yet?

I used to feel overwhelmed every day. I said “yes” before thinking about what I was saying “no” to. This left me with resentment, exhaustion and completely overwhelmed. In the end no time left for me or what was important to me. What energy could I possibly have left to enjoy what was important to me? NONE!

Have you taken some time recently to do absolutely nothing? Spending it wistfully waiting for the calm in your mind? Listening to your breath? Slowly coming to the present moment…the moment when it is only the stillness of your body and mind in sync with that particular moment of time. Sitting comfortable or maybe laying on the floor or on a blanket on the ground under a tree. Breathe in through your nose, to the count of 4 – hold for a count of 4, blow out through your mouth to the count of 4. Again…and again…

Is it not working yet? Keep going – until you feel the little hair on your top lip move from the in breath and the air over your lips on the out. Until you feel the inhale deep in the lower parts of your lungs as it expands on every breath in and drops on the exhale. This may not be easy but it is simple – awareness – thoughtfulness. When you finally get the hang of it you can enjoy the peace of that moment and notice what enters your mind. Acknowledge it and set it free coming back to counting every time.

When you feel fully relaxed you may open your eyes and notice what is around you. Your ability to focus sharpens through this process so things you see will seem brighter and clearer. Ideas will be quite vivid and formed. You can feel clearly connected to your intuition within this space.

I was quite amazed how I felt at first! The true calmness of my mind was unexpected. My body was relaxed but I had not experience such quiet in my head…not gerbils running amok on the wheels in my head. I needed more of this feeling, but it took many times and some years before my mind emptied so regularly I had to check in to be sure that it was still working! It worked overtime for decades!

This practice allowed me to figure out what was important to me. How was I going to simplify so that I could live in a way that was in line with what I wanted…not what the rest of the world seemed to want from me. I needed the peace in my head to give me space to hear what the Universe, my Higher Power or God had in store for me. My ideas were not working so well so I needed to learn how to turn ME off. Decisions come easier, as well. This practice was a great start to that process. It gave me…time. I gratefully took it.

I believe that anyone can learn how to do this. I am sure that some of you are masters at this, I am still a novice to be sure. I am not a silent retreat person, although I have heard of people who go on these retreats for up to ten days! I am not ready for that but I can sit and read for an entire day under the umbrella on the back deck only occasionally talking to my dog, Max. Looking up to watch the bird at the feeder two feet away or a bee collecting pollen from the flowers just beyond my knees can give me an incredible moment of delight. I can enjoy watching the sheets flap in the wind on the clothes line knowing that they will be fresh and crisp on our bed tonight. The full enjoyment of many such moments are meditation to me as all else leaves my mind in peace…these are the moments that remind me to live in the moment.

“This too shall pass” was not a statement made for only the uncomfortable or difficult moments. It is also for those moments of pure joy that will pass onto the regular moments of life. When we get really good at living, there can be an incredible peace that hits us when we can relish the wonderfulness in the  moments we are living – as they are lived. Now that is perfection! I don’t expect to get to perfection, but life can feel perfect one moment at a time – maybe a couple of times in my day. For now that feels pretty perfect to me!

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Be Happy

Image via Wikipedia

“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.” Unknown

This quote says so much to me. I used to be ‘in’ the drama and maybe even created a great deal of it early on in life. I didn’t know how not to or even that I had a choice. What a wonderful revelation that it was possible to remove myself from the drama in other peoples life, even some that were family, unfortunately. Life is much simpler without it and full of peace and joy.

I can choose to love everyone from a distance. I can choose to detach in a loving way when they are in my space if I cannot actually move myself physically. This is all about choice. How terrific is that. This is something that took me over 40 years to figure out and gratefully I did. I am not saying that I am perfect at this in any way, as I can slip up when my cup is not full. I am more likely to react vs. respond when I am tired. The deal is to know where I am at – and to make good choices based on what I want, knowing this information first.

Surrounding myself with folks that make me happy and laugh out loud is important to me. I can love them for who they are and be grateful for all that they give me unconditionally. This is much harder with folks that have the same blood as myself. It is much more work to discern the difference between what is right and what is necessary when it comes to who I spend my time with.

Life is too short not to enjoy it. I am happy most of the time. This does not mean I do not fall down occasionally. Actually there are tons of scars on my knees from doing so, but today I know I can just get up and try again, differently. I have enough life behind me to prove it to myself. I also expect that I will make more mistakes, but hopefully not as many as when I was young. Experience has taught me a few things. If I didn’t make more mistakes I probably didn’t try anything new or take any risks or been brave.

Life is good and being happy is better than being miserable. I know you have it in you to be happy, too. Hey, maybe you are and I am preaching to the choir! I hope so as it is so much more fun and others want to hang with the happy folks! I suspect we are already happy together somewhere in the Universe! Have a good one!

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  1. Let it go …you really can’t control your beloved, only your own behaviours. Not to be confused with giving up or giving in. Acceptance is the key to harmony. Let go, and love.
  2. Trust your beloved – they are in this relationship, too. We all get up wanting to do our best, sometimes we just miss our own mark and end up…just doing our best.
  3. Really talk ‘with’ not ‘at’ your beloved –let yourself be vulnerable. Get to really know each other. We falsely believe we know our partners well only to find out something new we didn’t know by talking and being open ourselves.
  4. Know and act like you’re in it together, not islands but not actually attached either. It is easier; believe me to do something together, because two heads are better than one. Would you have loved them the same if they were EXACTLY like you? This does not mean that you need finish each others sentences either…I personally like to finish my own. Also, have something in your life that is not connected to your beloved. You tend to appreciate each other more and it gives you something interesting to bring to the relationship.
  5. Neither of you are perfect – REALLY! This is self-explanatory, isn’t it? Yes we are ALL wrong sometimes!
  6. Laugh at your imperfections – together preferably. Look, it can be great fun to laugh at the world occasionally (providing they don’t know or get hurt by it) but to notice ones faults and still be able to laugh at yourself and not get miffed when your beloved joins in, that’s togetherness.
  7. Know that you have not always been perfect to each other… read the above for more info – if necessary.
  8. Apologize easily whenever you are wrong, and probably often. Refer to #5 if needed. But remember, continually apologizing for the same mistake gets tiresome for both parties. Isn’t it better to actually deal with the issue? It will not magically vanish into thin air without some effort.
  9. Work on your relationships daily.  The relationship is a gift that can keep on giving, if you keep on giving to it.
  10. Show and tell your beloved daily that you love them. Tell them you love them and why. Do something special for the heck of it. When was the last time you did something your partner hates just because it would remove it from their to-do list? How about flowers or dinner and a movie? If you are not the verbal kind of guy, how about a love note? It doesn’t have to be poetry, just from your heart. Do something nice without pointing it out to get credit for it. This can be a toughie for some. Don’t wait until you FEEL like it, do it NOW!
  11. Pray to have lots of days, months and years together. Even the bad moments remind us of how good the great moments are. Time is a gift. We need to treat today like it may be our last with our beloved and pray that they will be around longer than you.
  12. Get up tomorrow and do it all again, lovingly. Nobody is perfect, but as long as we can get up again, there is hope.  Start the day anew. You have it in you to forgive all past sins if you really want to live without resentments.  Besides, don’t you want all YOUR past sins forgiven?        The answer to every question is LOVE!

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My beloved comes home from getting a haircut and hands me a bag or roasted chickpeas. I am pleasantly surprised and welcome a treat so I reach in, grab a few and pop them into my mouth. They tasted awful! So awful after a few timid chews I spat out the remains. I immediately said they were horrible and he agreed. I asked if he wanted to throw them away and he said he would feed them to the birds. Sounded reasonable even though I was surprised he did not agree to the discard idea. He LOVES to throw things away. I am the one who can usually find a second use for almost everything.

The next day, I asked if he wanted to feed the chickpeas to the birds now, while he was busy with the yard. He looked at me and said “No the squirrels would eat them all so throw them away.” Now I heard a tone and different words. I heard “Are you nuts! What a dumb idea! The birds won’t have a chance because of the squirrels so why would you want to do that? Throw them away, of course.”

Instantly all I wanted to do was throw them at him! “I was going to throw them away yesterday. Why didn’t you let me pitch them then?” He looked slightly miffed and said “Why do you have to talk to me like that?” (Like what? Okay maybe there was a tone in there. I had wanted to be right after all.) “To be sure that you knew” I said “it wasn’t MY idea to feed these to the birds it was YOURS, just in case you did not remember!” Off I stomped into the house and promptly threw them away.

What was the point in all of this drama? I can’t believe it but I felt the need to defend myself. By this point in my life with all the work I have done on personal development, I can get here when I am not paying attention or taking care of myself. I spent a long time defending myself to the world and the knee jerk just showed its horribleness, yet again. I have been feeling a bit off as of late and I guess this feeling left me feeling not completely whole…more like I had a hole.  That’s another story.

A do-over would be terrific right now! It took me hours to apologize for my shortness and totally needless blow up including rant. Not because I hadn’t cooled off or didn’t know I needed to…maybe somehow I hoped it would just go away. Frankly, I was embarrassed. Then I just wanted to be snotty for awhile then calm down. Except that I wasn’t – and it just went away – I simply forgot. I can always be sure that the memory of an error will come right up in front of me again and I will step up. We were cleaning up after supper and I just said “Sorry I was a bit snotty earlier today.” He said “That’s okay.”  It was done. It really was over with.

The cool thing about taking responsibility for my actions and the dreaded reactions to stuff, they are gone. I am more aware of myself and my defenses but they are not carried forward into another day to be planted, fertilized and fed, shone light upon and built into a mighty oak tree with roots near to China!

Relationships need tending to by feeding it love and understanding, forgiveness and compassion, weeding and maybe even tying it up to something else more sturdy until it grows strong. Ours is over 20 years strong and we have gone through many seasons, through the rain and snow as well as the newness of spring and the coolness of fall. I just know on the next cloudy day, the sun is around the next corner. There are less and less cloudy days in our relationship and we don’t take the rain or the sun for granted. We definitely enjoy the sun!

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