Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Awareness’

My beloved comes home from getting a haircut and hands me a bag or roasted chickpeas. I am pleasantly surprised and welcome a treat so I reach in, grab a few and pop them into my mouth. They tasted awful! So awful after a few timid chews I spat out the remains. I immediately said they were horrible and he agreed. I asked if he wanted to throw them away and he said he would feed them to the birds. Sounded reasonable even though I was surprised he did not agree to the discard idea. He LOVES to throw things away. I am the one who can usually find a second use for almost everything.

The next day, I asked if he wanted to feed the chickpeas to the birds now, while he was busy with the yard. He looked at me and said “No the squirrels would eat them all so throw them away.” Now I heard a tone and different words. I heard “Are you nuts! What a dumb idea! The birds won’t have a chance because of the squirrels so why would you want to do that? Throw them away, of course.”

Instantly all I wanted to do was throw them at him! “I was going to throw them away yesterday. Why didn’t you let me pitch them then?” He looked slightly miffed and said “Why do you have to talk to me like that?” (Like what? Okay maybe there was a tone in there. I had wanted to be right after all.) “To be sure that you knew” I said “it wasn’t MY idea to feed these to the birds it was YOURS, just in case you did not remember!” Off I stomped into the house and promptly threw them away.

What was the point in all of this drama? I can’t believe it but I felt the need to defend myself. By this point in my life with all the work I have done on personal development, I can get here when I am not paying attention or taking care of myself. I spent a long time defending myself to the world and the knee jerk just showed its horribleness, yet again. I have been feeling a bit off as of late and I guess this feeling left me feeling not completely whole…more like I had a hole.  That’s another story.

A do-over would be terrific right now! It took me hours to apologize for my shortness and totally needless blow up including rant. Not because I hadn’t cooled off or didn’t know I needed to…maybe somehow I hoped it would just go away. Frankly, I was embarrassed. Then I just wanted to be snotty for awhile then calm down. Except that I wasn’t – and it just went away – I simply forgot. I can always be sure that the memory of an error will come right up in front of me again and I will step up. We were cleaning up after supper and I just said “Sorry I was a bit snotty earlier today.” He said “That’s okay.”  It was done. It really was over with.

The cool thing about taking responsibility for my actions and the dreaded reactions to stuff, they are gone. I am more aware of myself and my defenses but they are not carried forward into another day to be planted, fertilized and fed, shone light upon and built into a mighty oak tree with roots near to China!

Relationships need tending to by feeding it love and understanding, forgiveness and compassion, weeding and maybe even tying it up to something else more sturdy until it grows strong. Ours is over 20 years strong and we have gone through many seasons, through the rain and snow as well as the newness of spring and the coolness of fall. I just know on the next cloudy day, the sun is around the next corner. There are less and less cloudy days in our relationship and we don’t take the rain or the sun for granted. We definitely enjoy the sun!

Bookmark and Share

Read Full Post »

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]

Amy Gross wrote about the 10-Minute Mind Spa and I thought you might enjoy taking a few moments to try it. It is terrific to the people who have either not tried meditating or have had difficulty. You cannot do it wrong, but it does take time to melt into it. Even a few short moments may be the diffierence of connecting versus not trying at all. Give it a shot, I know you want to!
 
You say you can’t meditate because you “can’t stop thinking.” But, really, not thinking is not what it’s about. The point of meditation is to bring you to clarity so you know you are in fact thinking, or planning, or being depressed or hungry or angry or (it could happen) happy. The point is to become mindful—not mindless.

Most mental activity, you’ll see, distracts you from knowing what’s actually going on in and around you. We’re often lost in thought or worry, absorbed in the past or future. Meditation slices through the fog and brings you right back home, to where you actually are. It’s not woo-woo, it’s not esoteric or exotic. It’s brain training. Try this to get the flavor (you’ll probably want to close your eyes after reading the instructions to reduce visual input)

  • Sit in an upright but comfortable way. Scan your body to check that you’re relaxed—your eyes, jaw, shoulders, belly, hands, and legs. Sit and know that you are sitting. Become aware of your breath moving in and out. Think “out” when you feel the fall of the exhalation, “in” when you feel the rise or pressure or stretching or tingling of the inhalation (what are the sensations?). When your mind wanders—there’s no question it will—acknowledge that you’ve lost contact with your breath, and watch the next inhalation roll in.
  • The most important thing to realize is that every moment you notice you’ve wandered off is a moment of being aware, of clarity. That’s what you’re going for. What does it feel like? Within nanoseconds, you’ll be thinking again, and becoming aware that you’re thinking, and starting again. The more you do it, the more you’ll have the experience of that pause when the mind is actually clear and present—that taste of freshness.
  • You can do this anytime, for any amount of time. Try it for a minute, try it for 10. Pay close attention to a single in-breath, a single out-breath. Every experience of awareness makes the next more likely. The enrichment to your life has to be experienced to be believed.
  • Personally, I have an amazing ability to zone out looking out my kitchen window. There are trees and bushes and squirrels busily hiding their nuts for the winter to look at and then suddenly I am just there. Completely there. When my mind wanders off I note where it has taken me and I am grateful for the clarity that the moment of truly being has allowed. It’s worth 10 minutes to try out the “Mind Spa”. You will be delighted by how refreshed and clear headed you may feel afterwords. If a dog can live in the moment, I am sure we can too! Have an incredible weekend, friends!

    Bookmark and Share

    Read Full Post »

    %d bloggers like this: