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Posts Tagged ‘discernment’

Don Juan DeMarco

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“There are four questions of value in life…

What is sacred?

Of what is the spirit made?

What is worth living for,

and what is worth dying for?

The answer to each is the same.

Only love.”

(Don Juan deMarco – 1995)

-Johnny Depp

How would you answer each question?

I would love it if you can add them to the comments.

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Be Happy

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“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.” Unknown

This quote says so much to me. I used to be ‘in’ the drama and maybe even created a great deal of it early on in life. I didn’t know how not to or even that I had a choice. What a wonderful revelation that it was possible to remove myself from the drama in other peoples life, even some that were family, unfortunately. Life is much simpler without it and full of peace and joy.

I can choose to love everyone from a distance. I can choose to detach in a loving way when they are in my space if I cannot actually move myself physically. This is all about choice. How terrific is that. This is something that took me over 40 years to figure out and gratefully I did. I am not saying that I am perfect at this in any way, as I can slip up when my cup is not full. I am more likely to react vs. respond when I am tired. The deal is to know where I am at – and to make good choices based on what I want, knowing this information first.

Surrounding myself with folks that make me happy and laugh out loud is important to me. I can love them for who they are and be grateful for all that they give me unconditionally. This is much harder with folks that have the same blood as myself. It is much more work to discern the difference between what is right and what is necessary when it comes to who I spend my time with.

Life is too short not to enjoy it. I am happy most of the time. This does not mean I do not fall down occasionally. Actually there are tons of scars on my knees from doing so, but today I know I can just get up and try again, differently. I have enough life behind me to prove it to myself. I also expect that I will make more mistakes, but hopefully not as many as when I was young. Experience has taught me a few things. If I didn’t make more mistakes I probably didn’t try anything new or take any risks or been brave.

Life is good and being happy is better than being miserable. I know you have it in you to be happy, too. Hey, maybe you are and I am preaching to the choir! I hope so as it is so much more fun and others want to hang with the happy folks! I suspect we are already happy together somewhere in the Universe! Have a good one!

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Have you ever put something off until later, and later never came?

Maybe you rationalized that it really could be done later, and then later becomes last minute.

Does procrastination seem like a destination?

A place you go when you don’t want to get something else done?

Have you turned procrastination into a science or event?

Each time you schedule in that “JOB” something “MORE IMPORTANT” must be done first.

When you put that “task” off do you feel justified somehow?

When you look back at the “deed” do you often feel like you were just being lazy?

Procrastination or laziness, which is it?

Does any of this sound vaguely familiar?

In the Wikipedia dictionary the meaning of these two words are this;

Laziness is disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so. It is often used as a pejorative; related terms for a person seen to be lazy include couch potato and slacker.

Procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time… Procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt and crisis

Procrastination may come from different sources.

 Fear is huge including the fears of success or failure. There are many things that could sit in wait keeping you afraid to act so be open to feelings to be sure fear is not the culprit.

 Self doubt is another whopper.  The feeling that you can’t do it or won’t complete a project or time can keep us from ever starting. You may just have a sense that you just cannot!

 How about confusion? Are you not sure where to start or which way to go or any number of dilemmas of indecision that leave you confused?

Are you completely overwhelmed by the task or life? You may be overwhelmed by just what you are putting off or maybe you are putting everything off!  EVERYTHING IS JUST TOO MUCH! (Sorry for the yelling…)

 

The biggest issue I can have with procrastination is that it can cause other pain. The creation of stress and guilt that regularly follows may affect our health so the benefits of just doing it far outweigh putting it off. We don’t know that when we are avoiding the item, not consciously anyway. If we were truly conscious we would think the whole thing through and just “get ‘er done!” It is faster than all the mental gymnastics involved in plotting and planning another possible time to look at it and potentially put it off, again. I say we as I know I am not alone in this.

So how do we cut out that darn procrastination for good? I figure the easiest way is the direct way. Ask some pretty direct questions.

Why am I putting ‘IT’ off? Be honest here!

How does that feel? No really, how does that really feel inside?

What are the benefits for putting it off? Write down as many as possible.

What would be the down side for putting it off?  Make the list full!

How does that feel?

What would be the benefits for completing it NOW?

How will I feel if it was completed? Make a full list!

Remember a time when a task was completed that was being put off?

How did it feel?

This is a terrific start but is not a complete list by any means. A Life Coach would assist you in digging deep to get to the source but you really can do this for yourself, I know you can! You are worth the effort to get to the bottom of this once and for all! I know you are- I am in your corner. You may have someone else in your corner that you can go through these questions with or just pull out a journal and start writing. Who knows what cool awareness you will unearth?  If you are reading this blog I am guessing you are interested in growth so this exercise may give you a revelation – a starting point.

The way I see this is you are worth any effort that you can take to make your life what you want. Life is much too short to spend any of it doing things you do not want to. If your job is not something you love, than start planning to do something you would love doing. Maybe you need an attitude adjustment or a job adjustment. The time and effort you spend procrastinating can be spent researching what your life purpose is or if you already know it, bringing it to fruition. You deserve to live in joy! What can make you joyful today?

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Office

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching] What do you do when your employee acts like the office is their personal domain?

I know that this may sound very familiar to some of you.  I will describe the situation that lead up to this coaching event.

Employer #2 John, (not his real name, of course and as there are 2, someone has to be) has walked into the office mid morning after being out of the office for a meeting. The receptionist, we will call Sue, is chatting with someone who works in a different office. She somehow acts like this office is an extension of her own and hangs out here much too long daily. This action has been irritating John for some time and as yet, not dealt with it.

Sue has works for the current employer #1 Wayne (…again, fake name) as well as for a previous employer in the same office. I suspect that Sue’s actions have not altered in many years. Often when an employee works at the same place for a long time, there is an ownership that may ensue allowing them to believe that they can make their own rules. By the way, when no office rules/boundaries have been clearly set, this seems perfectly appropriate to said employee. What possible consequences can there be with no standards stated from the employer?

John has only recently joined the team and has been taking a bit of time to become familiar with the staff and their roles in the business before taking on any changes. Wayne has been busy with his professional expertise, so managing has been a “fix as necessary” thing so adding an on-sight manager seemed  necessary – so John, #2 employer.

John was quite irritated this particular day as Sue was also shopping online. This is both unprofessional and completely inappropriate.  To be fair, there have been no rules and it is necessary to explain what is expected and the consequences when this is not fulfilled.

John waited for the person from the other office to leave Sue’s desk then once she was free from a quick business call, asked her to come to his office to speak with her privately. Remember, he has not been happy with her for some time and is angry at this moment. (Never a good time for a calm discussion) He believes he is in the right and she is in the wrong. (Clearly, emotions are running this show.) John felt he was professional and started off in a calm tone with her.

First off, he mentioned the fact that she was shopping online on company time.

Her response was she would clear the shopping site from the computer if a client came. (Apparently not near busy enough or what this looked like to her employers.)

As John was on a roll now and no longer calm (or professional) he asked about a call she had just answered before John approached her. A potential client was brushed off to someone else, who wanted some information. She clearly could have known the information considering she had worked in the business for many years. Where was her interest in actually being of service to their clientele?

Now SHE was angry and defensive then walked away.

I am sure she was quite surprised to be called on behaviour that had been quite acceptable before now.

There are some questions I asked John.

How do you want your business to be presented to the public/clients?

Professionally

Friendly

Approachable staff

Premium customer service

A team that knows what is expected of them

What are your expectations of your employees?

To be of utmost service to their clientele

To be clearly professional at all times

To work the hours they are paid for

To do and be their best at all times

To do all personal items on their own time

How will you clearly pass on this information?

I have to set aside some time to discuss this with Wayne (Employer #1- he really was first)

Write up a clear expectation for staff to follow

Explain to all staff what their expectations are and maybe why

What will be the consequences for breaking said rules?

Instant firing! Or maybe something less drastic if the offence is not the first.

Is it possible that Sue may not have known what was expected?

Yes…

How can there be more clarity with what the consequences are for the infraction?

Being clear myself with what I want for the office and getting them onboard.

How will you feel when your office runs with a full staff that are all behind you and doing what is expected?

It will be great! I imagine that the staff will feel comfortable knowing what is expected and the environment will be relaxed yet efficient. Professional yet fun as there will be no underlying energy of discontent. I will feel on top of what I am responsible for, so no anxiety or stress over things that need taking care of. I will no longer feel resentful of past management choices or staff’s poor performance as I can follow through with what I asked for. If it is not met I may remind a staff member of what is expected, then follow through with the consequences as have been set forth in advance.  It is a win-win all around!

There is a clear opportunity here for growth on everyone’s part. Coaching is a great way to get clarity and a solution so this type of issue no longer happens. It is a set up for the employee when there are no clear expectations and guidelines on appropriate behaviour and consequences within the office space and work hours.

There is need for both John and Wayne (sorry about that) to come to an agreement on their office goals, priorities as well as how the office must function. There is a necessity for clarity so the employees know what is expected of them and what the consequences will be with non-compliance. If there is a common goal and mutual benefit, they will climb on board the office band wagon to support their employers. If they do not support it, then there are choices to be made by everyone.

Coaching has allowed John to understand how this situation came about and where to go from here. I will continue to work with John as both he and the situation evolve. If you are having situations with relationships at home or at work – this may have been helpful. You may be thinking, “Yup! I am having issues just like this and I am not quite sure how to handle it.” Or maybe you just wish it would go away all by itself knowing clearly it won’t.

All relationships need to be tended to and can grow when they are. If you are ready for change and want to have a chat on how I may support you, please send me a note with your number on the contact page and I will be happy to call you at your convenience.

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Julie has often wondered what IS her business, have you?

Actually she really didn’t think about it as it never occurred to her there what things weren’t.

(Is there a bit of Julie in you? There is in me!)

Why do discussions always end in an argument?

How the arguments always start…

Julie travel along in her day doing and chatting and being. Then she starts up a conversation with say, her beloved. She actually has many in her day, but not all of them stick in her mind. It’s the one that he seems to be in his own world and Julie asks a question. This is not always an intelligent thing to do when her beloved is busy, but what the heck, she had time.

The conversation starts something like “What do you think about___?” It rarely matters what it is that Julie was asking, it’s her response to his answers that get her all twisted up. Julie used to be quite controlling, but as she has been working on letting this go, the right thing would be to just listen to his answer and move on.

But, NO! This is not what Julie does as she would much rather have discussions on the how and the why of his answer. Now remember she is the one with the time and the interest, not him. She decided that there was something wrong with his answer and made it HER business to convince him “HE. IS. WRONG!”

This of course starts a debate that leads to an argument and someone stomps off unhappily.

Why do we often feel what anyone thinks of this or that or me for that matter is our business?

Ultimately, the question I ask Julie is just that.

How does what he thinks affect you?

I am interested in what he thinks.

So why do you want it to be the same as yours?

I guess I want us to be on the same side of things.

How important is it that you agree?

Somewhat, I think.

Who will you be if you do not agree?

Okay, I suppose I will still be me no matter what he thinks.

Is it his business what you think about______?

Is it important that you agree with him on everything?

NO, that will never happen! Our differences are what drew me to him in the first place.

Then ultimately is it any of your business what he thinks?

Not really, actually.

Can you still love him if he does not agree with you?

Of course!

Can you ask a question that does not lead to trying to convince him the light of your way?

This could be a challenge, but as I am not interested in him convincing me of some of his stuff, it seems a smart move on my part.

So when you think of this dialogue can you think of times when you tried to convince (control others) someone that your way or thought was the right and only one?  Was it any of your business what they thought? Can you respect another enough to let this go? It may be necessary to walk away some of the time before the debate starts as you know where that can lead!

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Cover of "8 Women"

Cover of 8 Women

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]The time is NOW for a NEW YOU!

 

Is it time for a change?

Are you stuck?

Do you know which way to go next?

Are you at a crossroads in your life as a woman of a certain age?

I am launching a NEW Group Coaching Event open to the first 8 women ready for a change.

Starting February 21, 2011!

I am sure some of you are asking what Coaching is.

The short answer of what it is and is not…

Coaching is a supported self-guided path to change.

Whatever change you are ready for I will meet you there and co-create a plan for moving forward.

Coaches are in the asking business and that is what I am here to do!

Therapy can deal with past pain, whereas mentoring and consulting shows you how by an expert.

I will not give medical advice.

 

Why would you participate, you ask?

Participants from the last session will share with you some of their reasons.

“I have been able to clarify what is important to me and make decisions more consciously…I have a better & more clear idea of what makes me “tick”. I have also increased my self-acceptance. Impact: A safe enough environment to help me have the courage to tell the truth about myself to myself. Anne B.

“The group provided me with the opportunity to meet fabulous women on a similar journey & our get-togethers inevitably led to a heightened level of personal understanding. It was a blast!” Helene S. 

“It helped me set priorities and motivate me towards working on my goals. I am more assertive in communicating my needs. I thought it was a great workshop! Tammy is a great facilitator!” Veronica P.

“These women created a bond with each other and felt safe to share their inner-most feelings. Women supporting women has worked throughout the generations. Today’s need is no less valuable. Bring a friend to share this special time with knowing you will be the better for it.”
Tammy Rowland

Things we will discuss:

Self-Discovery ~Relationships~ Intuition; following your gut instinct ~Empowerment ~ Joy~Feeling Balanced~
Get clarity around your Needs and Values ~ Strategies for what’s next ~
How to transform your life to have more of what you want

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starting: Monday’s February 21st, 2011 to March 28th, 2011
We meet for 6 weeks from 7:00 pm–9:00 pm – Location TBA
Register: Call Tammy Rowland @ 514-918-5476
Cost after February 14th – $250.00
Interac Money Transfer & Cheques accepted payable to:
9044-9646 Quebec Inc.

**There is a $50 discount upon registering before February 14th so call now!

Payment must be cleared to hold your spot as it is first come first registered.
One on One Coaching sessions also available

Contact Tammy Rowland (514)918-5476 tammyrowland@bell.net
Certified Life Coach ~ CoachU Graduate ~ International Coach Federation Member

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I have worked on living in FAITH for some years, but  now and again the ugly face of FEAR shows itself. I have had this project for my business that has been looming for the past 3 weeks that I have let simmer on the back burner. Simmering is not always a bad thing. While it sits there, I think about it while I read a book watch one of my favourite shows I have recorded or talked with a friend or client on the phone.

Simmering for me looks very much like procrastination, though. I talk firmly to myself to get moving on it as it is a key component to the next step in my business. All else will stem from it so it is important and not to be taken lightly. I have had it on my agenda in several places for several weeks and it never quite happened. The simmering did, then the knowledge of the avoidance happened about a week ago and the simmering became most uncomfortable.

The more I looked at the avoidance thing, the more I felt FEAR lurking in the wings. I am not a perfectionist so it is not about making it right, but about understanding the process and the ramifications of it. Can I look at it from a place of clarity or is it all fogged up from the long drawn out simmering?

I realize that I need simmer time to think things through. It’s about processing for me and I know I am not alone in this. I spent some time talking to my Life Coach last week about it and was given one week to do this then to take it off the table and color it done.  I had forgotten this timeline for a few days and last night I could not sleep. Up I got and started the process to get clarity on the project.

I worked for maybe an hour and a half and felt great about it! I was able to climb back into the warm comfort of my bed and have sweet dreams of a job halfway done. I am clear in the direction I am going in so only need about another hour to complete it. Of course this clarity gives way to other work that will take a bit of time to complete, but if not for the clarity of my contact with my coach and a timeline, it may have simmered me right into a place so frightful; the ghouls of Halloween would have been like angels to me!

Fear is necessary and can save us from being run over by a truck or eaten by a bear, but if it is keeping us from sleeping at night, it is likely telling us something. It told me the simmering was done and that I had all the clarity I needed to get the job done. I love my sleep and find it quite important to function in the light of day. I have found that clearing my plate allows me not to take work, problems and other people stuff to bed with me. I say my gratitude list and prayers that include a question that dragged my sorry butt from the bed last night.

“Did I live in fear or faith today?”  What would be your answer at the end of your day?

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