Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

Moving Day (book)

Moving Day (book) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was just looking at the boxes piling up as we get closer to our move date. I wonder how many others I know are doing the same. There is lots to do but I have been pacing myself. Layers of our stuff have been removed one week at a time and now there are only 4 left before the big day.

Moving can mean many things. Moving house and home, moving our body, moving forward in our jobs and life as well. This being the case we are all moving a great deal of the time, aren’t we?

There may even be areas we want to move but are a bit stuck. Maybe you have been in the same job that you don’t like for far too long. Fear of the unknown can be a reason for some of this for sure. Will it be a good decision to make the move on? Will I regret the move? Will I be comfortable both during as well as after the move? Hmmm… many questions.

How about moving our bodies? I can move it out of the bed right over to the fridge then couch or I can move it to the closet for runners and a leash for my dog. I can sit around the house or move out the door and do some gardening. Moving doesn’t have to look like a gym membership, it could be a walk and a chat with a good friend or loved one around the block. How about a game of frisbee or catch? Dancing is a great way to move with some fun music and friends. Even by yourself with the curtains drawn if you are a bit self-conscious.

We all have a choice to move in one form or another. We just need to decide “if”, “what kind,” “how” and “when”. I challenge you all to just move in some way- TODAY! Let me know what you did that got you moving. Have a terrific move!

Read Full Post »

Have you ever put something off until later, and later never came?

Maybe you rationalized that it really could be done later, and then later becomes last minute.

Does procrastination seem like a destination?

A place you go when you don’t want to get something else done?

Have you turned procrastination into a science or event?

Each time you schedule in that “JOB” something “MORE IMPORTANT” must be done first.

When you put that “task” off do you feel justified somehow?

When you look back at the “deed” do you often feel like you were just being lazy?

Procrastination or laziness, which is it?

Does any of this sound vaguely familiar?

In the Wikipedia dictionary the meaning of these two words are this;

Laziness is disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so. It is often used as a pejorative; related terms for a person seen to be lazy include couch potato and slacker.

Procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time… Procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt and crisis

Procrastination may come from different sources.

 Fear is huge including the fears of success or failure. There are many things that could sit in wait keeping you afraid to act so be open to feelings to be sure fear is not the culprit.

 Self doubt is another whopper.  The feeling that you can’t do it or won’t complete a project or time can keep us from ever starting. You may just have a sense that you just cannot!

 How about confusion? Are you not sure where to start or which way to go or any number of dilemmas of indecision that leave you confused?

Are you completely overwhelmed by the task or life? You may be overwhelmed by just what you are putting off or maybe you are putting everything off!  EVERYTHING IS JUST TOO MUCH! (Sorry for the yelling…)

 

The biggest issue I can have with procrastination is that it can cause other pain. The creation of stress and guilt that regularly follows may affect our health so the benefits of just doing it far outweigh putting it off. We don’t know that when we are avoiding the item, not consciously anyway. If we were truly conscious we would think the whole thing through and just “get ‘er done!” It is faster than all the mental gymnastics involved in plotting and planning another possible time to look at it and potentially put it off, again. I say we as I know I am not alone in this.

So how do we cut out that darn procrastination for good? I figure the easiest way is the direct way. Ask some pretty direct questions.

Why am I putting ‘IT’ off? Be honest here!

How does that feel? No really, how does that really feel inside?

What are the benefits for putting it off? Write down as many as possible.

What would be the down side for putting it off?  Make the list full!

How does that feel?

What would be the benefits for completing it NOW?

How will I feel if it was completed? Make a full list!

Remember a time when a task was completed that was being put off?

How did it feel?

This is a terrific start but is not a complete list by any means. A Life Coach would assist you in digging deep to get to the source but you really can do this for yourself, I know you can! You are worth the effort to get to the bottom of this once and for all! I know you are- I am in your corner. You may have someone else in your corner that you can go through these questions with or just pull out a journal and start writing. Who knows what cool awareness you will unearth?  If you are reading this blog I am guessing you are interested in growth so this exercise may give you a revelation – a starting point.

The way I see this is you are worth any effort that you can take to make your life what you want. Life is much too short to spend any of it doing things you do not want to. If your job is not something you love, than start planning to do something you would love doing. Maybe you need an attitude adjustment or a job adjustment. The time and effort you spend procrastinating can be spent researching what your life purpose is or if you already know it, bringing it to fruition. You deserve to live in joy! What can make you joyful today?

Bookmark and Share

Read Full Post »

A Winnipeg street after two large snowstorms.

Image via Wikipedia

A Past Yearly Trip West to Winnipeg

The trip was short but took forever.
The visit was fun but difficult.
I was busy, but really I did nothing.
Driving, visiting and drinking tea with everyone hardly counts.
I love my family but it’s not always easy.
One sibling was as excited to see me as I him.
Yet another squeezed me in like an appointment with an annoying customer.
One year since my last visit, 2 since there was time for me.
My mom as always needed more than I ever have to give.
Unfortunate as she is close to no-one.
Her paranoia makes her miserable and depressed.
Friends are my shelter and my grounding.
Without them it would be impossible.
AH, but my youngest son.
The one I truly went to see.
It had been one year since he moved and I saw him last.
I needed to see/feel/know- he was doing as well as he said.
I saw him daily, and he was.
He was peaceful, not pacing.
He was calm, not shaking.
He was chatty and opinionated, not quiet and invisible.
His smiles were easy, his glasses were dirty.
He enjoys his work even though it’s the middle of the night.
He was delightful to see and touch.
It was fun and effortless to be around him.
I was sad to leave him behind but he belongs there.
I hugged him tight and told him what I saw.
He was okay – more than okay.
He was home – it’s not mine anymore, though.
I love him enough to give him wholly to himself and the world.
He may have difficult times ahead of him still,
But today I know that he will be okay.
I don’t feel the same about my mom;
I don’t know that she will be okay.
I do know there is nothing I can really do about it.
I left with the mixed feelings of joy, sadness, laughter and tears.
They remind me that I am alive and living ‘my’ life.
My emotions help me deal with every aspect of my life –
the good and the difficult.
They all teach me something.
I surround myself with wonderful people.
They help me through the difficult times,
And celebrate the happy ones.
I am grateful to be able to feel them all.
This wasn’t always so.

Read Full Post »

After my New Year’s blog on change, I am following up by launching a NEW Group Coaching event here in Montreal starting February 21, 2011. I am only offering this to 8 women as it is such an intimate yet powerful group. You will not want to miss this opportunity so register quickly!

Please go to  Upcoming Events to see all the information as well as testimonials from a few attendees from a previous group. Consistently they mentioned words like safe and fun to describe the environment felt in the group sessions. Self-awareness and growth are personal goals gained from each of my clients as they moved forward along their personal path.

Women have come together for generations doing such things as knitting circles or quilting bees, pot-luck meals or movie nights. The largest benefit has always been that feeling of connection and togetherness that holds us together in difficult times. In today’s world where the pace of society and technology has kept us more isolated than ever, this is a REAL chance to reconnect! Bring a friend; share this with someone you know who could really benefit from so “me time”. Someone who may be on “PAUSE” “STUCK” or just “BORED”.

Mid-life can be that moment of transition that allows for something different. It doesn’t mean down-hill or over the hill for that matter. It can truly be an exciting time for you!  Maybe the first half of your life was all about your spouse, parents or family. I am sure you are happy you did but NOW it’s YOUR time! Time to uncover something to be passionate about! Maybe you stuck your dreams on hold for your family and now they have flown the coop so you can finally pursue your dreams!

A renewed energy that can be spent in any direction YOU choose! A new business, political pursuits, social injustice, or something that makes you FEEL alive! Maybe you have a known or unknown talent that has been waiting for you to develop it now that you have the time! The group creates a space to find out “what” or sort out the “how”.

I enjoy being part of the group experience and share in each persons joy from the “AHA moments” that come about, knowing that they will respond differently in their lives  from that moment on. It is truly an opportunity for anyone who is interested in change with support of others in a similar place in their lives. Now is the time for you, and you deserve to take it! I look forward to hearing from you and supporting your forward motion.

For more information on group or one-on-one coaching, don’t hesitate to contact me through the email on the contact page.

Read Full Post »

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]

Jack-o-latern
Image via Wikipedia

I have worked on living in FAITH for some years, but  now and again the ugly face of FEAR shows itself. I have had this project for my business that has been looming for the past 3 weeks that I have let simmer on the back burner. Simmering is not always a bad thing. While it sits there, I think about it while I read a book watch one of my favourite shows I have recorded or talked with a friend or client on the phone.

Simmering for me looks very much like procrastination, though. I talk firmly to myself to get moving on it as it is a key component to the next step in my business. All else will stem from it so it is important and not to be taken lightly. I have had it on my agenda in several places for several weeks and it never quite happened. The simmering did, then the knowledge of the avoidance happened about a week ago and the simmering became most uncomfortable.

The more I looked at the avoidance thing, the more I felt FEAR lurking in the wings. I am not a perfectionist so it is not about making it right, but about understanding the process and the ramifications of it. Can I look at it from a place of clarity or is it all fogged up from the long drawn out simmering?

I realize that I need simmer time to think things through. It’s about processing for me and I know I am not alone in this. I spent some time talking to my Life Coach last week about it and was given one week to do this then to take it off the table and color it done.  I had forgotten this timeline for a few days and last night I could not sleep. Up I got and started the process to get clarity on the project.

I worked for maybe an hour and a half and felt great about it! I was able to climb back into the warm comfort of my bed and have sweet dreams of a job halfway done. I am clear in the direction I am going in so only need about another hour to complete it. Of course this clarity gives way to other work that will take a bit of time to complete, but if not for the clarity of my contact with my coach and a timeline, it may have simmered me right into a place so frightful; the ghouls of Halloween would have been like angels to me!

Fear is necessary and can save us from being run over by a truck or eaten by a bear, but if it is keeping us from sleeping at night, it is likely telling us something. It told me the simmering was done and that I had all the clarity I needed to get the job done. I love my sleep and find it quite important to function in the light of day. I have found that clearing my plate allows me not to take work, problems and other people stuff to bed with me. I say my gratitude list and prayers that include a question that dragged my sorry butt from the bed last night.

“Did I live in fear or faith today?”  What would be your answer at the end of your day?

Bookmark and Share

Read Full Post »

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]We generate FEAR while we sit.

We overcome it by “ACTION”.

Fear is natures warning to get busy and “RUN”!

My intuition knows where to “GO”.

Are you connected to yours?

Bookmark and Share

Read Full Post »

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] There is this guy who walks his dog daily and meets all kinds of people doing the same. It is generally a good experience but not always. Not all dogs like each other, sort of like people. They can be aggressive, controlling, angry, frustrated and afraid as well. There are also the timid, calm, quiet submissive types as well as the happy ones,  but don’t push them around as they will not put up with it. Together they have greeted many dogs and most but not all have been good experiences.

One day a dog came from an open door of a home at full charge causing great concern that both he and his dog were under attack. This wasn’t their first contact, the last time they met this dog he was quite aggressive. Dogs can be wary of other dogs but even if they are- don’t usually charge. Spend some time in a dog park and you get to see all kinds of greetings, this dog was out to be boss and there was no way to know in advance how this was to turn out!

The guy walking his dog kicked the charging dog as he was all over his own dog. The dog was not hurt and came at the dog again so he kicked a second time afraid his dog would get hurt. This was absolutely a reaction from fear.  Was it uncalled for or an over-reaction, only someone in the exact situation could possibly know, but ultimately he felt awful. This is not who he is or what he does. The other dog owner finally got his dog off and into the house and both dogs were  okay.

The owner of the charger came out yelling and screaming. This was a neighbor and the last thing you want between neighbors is this kind of issue. He apologized several times for kicking the dog, but he really felt under attack. The charging dog’s owner thought this was a perfectly normal greeting for dogs so would not accept his apology. You never hear an owner whose dog attacked someone say, “I knew that would happen!” No, it’s always”he has never hurt another dog or human before!”

There had never been anything but a friendly greeting between him and his neighbor and had only just seen him not five minutes prior and said hello to him in his car. This was not good at all. The neighbor yelled, walked away, and then came back a couple of times to harass this guy who is now questioning his reaction.

Here is his issue.   Second guessing himself and always thinking that he did not only do something wrong and make a mistake, he “should have done it right!”  Is it possible to be right all the time I ask? No but it is because I am not doing something right. Do you think it is possible to be right all the time?  Of course not but I shouldn’t have reacted that way. How would you have done it differently? There was a pause before he answered – probably not. What do you wish were different? The other guys reaction or even if he kept his door closed so I wouldn’t have felt the need to protect myself.

So there was nothing you could have done differently, only the other guy? Yes, I did all I could and he probably would have done the same thing in my situation. The only other thing I could have done was drop my dogs leash so he could have protected himself but it could have gotten much worse and one or both dogs could have been hurt. Okay so you could not have had control over the other person or his dog? No, I could not. So is there anything else you could do? No, just wait and hopefully it will blow over and he will let this go.

People live from their perception. Both this guy and his neighbor have a different perception of the event. It was present based but not inclusive, neither believed the same thing or that the reactions from each other to the event were warranted. The dog walker could see things through the other guys eyes to some extent, he would not want someone to kick his dog either. He felt that if his dog was charging someone else he would have done anything including a kick if that is what it takes to stop the attack. Will the other guy see the opposite viewpoint, unlikely unless a cooler head prevails if ever.

Sometimes we can take a step back to see things from a different angle and get more understanding. Things may not be as they seem, as often there is information you do not know or see or understand or agree with given your own set of values and standards. Does this mean that you need to drop these to get what’s going on? Maybe only long enough to see through their eyes so you may be able to let it go. Our standards maybe high, but if they are so high that we feel bad about every mistake made, believing we “should have known or done something perfect” we may need assistance to get perspective on them. We will be working on “perfectionism” in the future I am sure!

Bookmark and Share

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: