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Posts Tagged ‘gratitude’

  John W. Gardner quoted “Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.”

 I figure life is more like drawing in permanent marker! Life has not always been easy. In fact life was pretty difficult when I was young. Mistakes seemed ever so permanent. I also thought everything was permanent. I was surely going to be in school forever! It was going to be a living hell for eternity in my first marriage. I loved those television shows that rewind bits of time and have a do-over – but life is not like that at all!

 I made some poor decisions – a ton of them actually! They were the best I could have made at the time given the circumstances and what I knew then. Even some of the choices I made I had other information but not the courage to choose differently.

 I made many mistakes, some humongous whoppers! Lots were not as important but most were UN-doable and UN-fixable. The consequences have been set and delivered. Guilt came with lots of them along with resentment and anger of others. I wanted it to be somebody else’s fault, not mine! I couldn’t have been responsible for all that carnage. All this made the consequences seem unbearable. I came through it all whole – intact. I just didn’t know how well my life would turn out even with all those mistakes and poor choices.

 If each not so good decision was written with permanent marker so were the good ones. Like my two sons from the marriage from hell as well as my beloved. So I suppose, will the better choices be that I make today with of all the amazing learning opportunities from my past. This is good information for me. I no longer have to carry the weight of those past horrors I survived, the past choices and blunders that I made as I moved along my life learning, growing and maturing.

I cannot erase my past and have a do-over, and in fact I am quite comfortable with it. I am quite good enough, thank you very much! My experiences were just that, my experiences. My life and all that came from it, wee born of all my choices, decisions, errors, blips, boo-boos, slips and miscalculations. My ego has been bumped, bruised, hurt, wounded, broken and healed over and over again. I am grateful for the humbling experiences gained along the path. I am not or ever will be perfect; nor am I alone.

 If life was art, I would be a Picasso! You sometimes couldn’t quite see what I was aiming to draw but it went down in history none the less. I am quite sure what we saw from Picasso was his best stuff! My best stuff is yet to be, and you can rest assured it will be done in permanent marker for all to see in black and white, whether I like it or not. Gracefully or clumsily I will continue on just like Picasso. Just doing the best I can, given what I know, the circumstances and courage I have at the time. Just knowing that we are not alone makes the ride seem a little bit more interesting.

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reflection

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Am I worth reflecting?

I read a blog post called “Clouds in a Cup” that sent me off on a reflection about reflecting.

I love it when I see the reflection of something beautiful in a window, mirror or any shiny surface worthy of it. It doubles the pleasure! Sometimes it is just like the blogger on “Love out Loud” that noticed the reflection first then took the time to enjoy it when she noticed the simple pleasure of the reflection of the clouds in her tea cup on a lovely spring day.

There are other kinds of reflections as well. I have been known to do some reflecting on the past. Past events, past reactions or responses, even past issues that seem to have re-surfaced…yet again, seem to be right there to see even if I don’t want to. These can be opportunities to see repetitive behaviours that may need amending lest they torture us for the rest of our born days.

I do love to reflect back on some of the most joyous events of my life as well. The birth of each of my sons, my weddings (Yes there were 2- the second relationship with my beloved has stuck for over 21 years!) holidays with friends and family, even time on my own that was impactful can come rushing to me in those moments.

I sometimes look at my relationships and reflect on how much I am truly involved in each of them. Am I doing my part to nurture them? Am I taking them for granted? Are they relationships that are good for both parties, or have they changed as we all do over time? Is it time to let them go on their way or do I want to step up? There is a lot to reflect on here, really!

I wonder if I am reflecting well in others. Am I seeing my mood reflected in others and is it something I am pleased about? I realize that when I am in conflict with another I may have either picked up their reflection or vice versa. This most often happens with the one who is closest, my beloved. I would love to say that if it is unpleasant, it’s his dark cloud reflection that is responsible. But it is not always true, it may have been mine. (Sssh, don’t tell him I said that!) It also may have been that I chose to engage and be that shiny reflection for him. Why couldn’t I choose to reflect back love and care, empathy and understanding instead of judgment and perhaps criticism and ridicule?

Awareness of this will allow me to notice earlier when this choice on reflecting could just happen. I can have that cuppa tea and look deep into it to see if it’s my grey cloud. I have been known to laugh at the drama and change my beloved’s spirit to something fun then he wasn’t so serious about “the stuff”. It never matters what the stuff is, just that I have a REAL choice that only takes a moment to decide what kind of reflection it will be.

If I choose to live in love, peace and harmony, I too can look into that cuppa tea and see a warm reflection of myself. I can laugh at my imperfections and be grateful for yet another moment in love with life. I can look for a smile in there and enjoy that moment too, can you?

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7 THINGS TO GIVE YOUR BELOVED

1-      LOVE ~ Love him/her from where you are today. Not where you wish you were or were yesterday. This way you can enjoy the moment for what it is not expecting it to be different. Yesterday I was annoyed so that would be a lousy place to love him from. I may already be projecting a difficult situation I have to deal with tomorrow and be overwhelmed by it while my beloved has no clue how I feel.

2-      ACCEPTANCE ~ All my beloved wants is for me to take him as he is…not TRY to change him. This took some time to get to, but what a gift it is to spend time with someone with no agendas on either part. Controlling comes in many forms…just ask me!

3-      UNDERSTANDING ~ When they need to talk- they only want you to listen, unless they ask for an opinion- DON”T OFFER ONE! When they want your opinion, DON”T TRY TO FIX IT! When they need your expertise, unless they ask you to do it for them- DON”T TAKE OVER!

4-      LAUGHTER ~ Lighten up! Watch funny stuff like comedies, kid’s movies and cartoons together that will make you laugh. Laugh at your beloved’s jokes no matter how often you have heard them. There aren’t enough reasons to laugh, so make some up as you go along. Nobody gets me like my beloved and vice-versa, so we have tons of private jokes. Call during the day just to share in intimate chuckle, it will make your day. Life is way too short to spend it seriously.

5-      SPACE ~ This can mean both physical and mental space. I need to do things by myself – for myself and so does my beloved. We check with each other to be sure it does not inflict badly on each other, but we take time for ourselves. The mental space took me forever to sort out. It’s the space you need to think and come to your own thoughts and decisions about a thing. That means I don’t try to control the direction of my beloved’s thoughts or hurry the process along to an answer, just give the space needed for it to arise. It surprisingly doesn’t take that much time. REALLY!

6-      TIME ~ Don’t be so caught up in your own space and time that you neglect the relationship. It needs to be nurtured by both parties. You can only affect your part so step up. Start out small so as not to smother or become controlling about it. If come to gently, your beloved will come along willingly. Find a few things that you can do together where you may interact and create more opportunities to laugh and grow your intimacy. Cartoons are one thing but a walk in the park holding hands has a completely different feel about it.

7-      PUPPIES ~ This seems like a funny thing but it kind of goes along with the space thingy. My beloved always wanted a puppy. I said no after having kids, dogs (both from a previous marriage-only the kids came as a package into this one) and cats up to that point, I knew how much work was in it for me (who is in the home WAY more then my beloved). Finally after about 17 years together, kids grown and flown the coop, I surrendered to this cute puppy (from hell, actually), he was thrilled. It brought out the playful child in him. He (we) gets more exercise and spends time  in nature and outdoors playing and walking the dog. Who knew the affect an animal could have. We always had cats but a dog is truly a different relationship. Do what you will but if he REALLY wants a puppy, and you have some time on your hands, like 2 years for training, GO FOR IT! You (eventually) won’t be sorry.

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ON LOVE
~ By Thomas Kempis ~


Love is a mighty power,
a great and complete good.
Love alone lightens every burden, and makes rough places smooth.
It bears every hardship as though it were nothing, and renders
all bitterness sweet and acceptable.

Nothing is sweeter than love,
Nothing stronger,
Nothing higher,
Nothing wider,
Nothing more pleasant,
Nothing fuller or better in heaven or earth;

For love is born of God.

Love flies, runs and leaps for joy.
It is free and unrestrained.
Love knows no limits, but ardently transcends all bounds.
Love feels no burden, takes no account of toil
attempts things beyond its strength.

Love sees nothing as impossible,
for it feels able to achieve all things.
It is strange and effective,
while those who lack love faint and fail.

Love is not fickle and sentimental,
nor is it intent on vanities.
Like a living flame and a burning torch,
it surges upward and surely surmounts every obstacle.



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A Winnipeg street after two large snowstorms.

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A Past Yearly Trip West to Winnipeg

The trip was short but took forever.
The visit was fun but difficult.
I was busy, but really I did nothing.
Driving, visiting and drinking tea with everyone hardly counts.
I love my family but it’s not always easy.
One sibling was as excited to see me as I him.
Yet another squeezed me in like an appointment with an annoying customer.
One year since my last visit, 2 since there was time for me.
My mom as always needed more than I ever have to give.
Unfortunate as she is close to no-one.
Her paranoia makes her miserable and depressed.
Friends are my shelter and my grounding.
Without them it would be impossible.
AH, but my youngest son.
The one I truly went to see.
It had been one year since he moved and I saw him last.
I needed to see/feel/know- he was doing as well as he said.
I saw him daily, and he was.
He was peaceful, not pacing.
He was calm, not shaking.
He was chatty and opinionated, not quiet and invisible.
His smiles were easy, his glasses were dirty.
He enjoys his work even though it’s the middle of the night.
He was delightful to see and touch.
It was fun and effortless to be around him.
I was sad to leave him behind but he belongs there.
I hugged him tight and told him what I saw.
He was okay – more than okay.
He was home – it’s not mine anymore, though.
I love him enough to give him wholly to himself and the world.
He may have difficult times ahead of him still,
But today I know that he will be okay.
I don’t feel the same about my mom;
I don’t know that she will be okay.
I do know there is nothing I can really do about it.
I left with the mixed feelings of joy, sadness, laughter and tears.
They remind me that I am alive and living ‘my’ life.
My emotions help me deal with every aspect of my life –
the good and the difficult.
They all teach me something.
I surround myself with wonderful people.
They help me through the difficult times,
And celebrate the happy ones.
I am grateful to be able to feel them all.
This wasn’t always so.

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Happy New Year!
What do you want to do with 2011?
Have you made room in it for some positive change – a gift to yourself?
Invest some time to discover your passion with the thought-provoking questions below.
Feel free to share them with your friends and family as I have.

Your friendship and support has meant a great deal to me this year and for that I thank you from the bottom of a very grateful heart.

May 2011 be full of Peace, Love and more Joy than you could possibly keep to yourself.

What was the smartest decision you made in 2010?

What is the biggest piece of unfinished business still left from 2010?

What choices did you make in 2010 that you do not want to repeat?

Who made an important impact on you in 2010?

Who do you want to thank or express gratitude/appreciation to? How?

What relationship needs more attention in 2011?

What aspects of your health, appearance and habits need more attention in 2011?

What word would best describe your finances in 2010?
Where did you waste money in 2010?

What area of your finances do you want most to clear up in 2011?

What one thing do you need to do or say that would have made 2010 feel complete?

What did you learn about yourself in 2010 that will help guide you in the New Year?

What value/passion did you live this year?

For what problems must you ask for solutions?

In what areas would you benefit with more education?

Did you feel like you had enough support in 2010?
If not, where could you have used more support?

Are you willing to ask for that support and how will you do so?

Did you have fun in 2010? How can you bring more fun into your life?

What was your biggest high in 2010? What was your low for 2010?

Did you have a theme for the year?

If so how did it guide you? Moving on to 2011… My theme for 2011 is…

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Tents for homeless people on the Canal Saint-M...

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Ah yes, the New Year is upon us and what do we want for the New Year?

I think peace on earth would be a great place to start, don’t you?

Healthcare for the world over.

Enough funds for food and a roof over each living soul.

Enough joy to balance out the sorrows in life for all.

To allow all to live how they choose without judgement.

To give value to each other while maintaining a sense of personal value.

That’s all! Well there is really much more, but this is a good place to start.

I guess the question maybe…

What am I willing to do towards this?

Be of service wherever possible.

Give financially where able…not just willing.

Share a smile with a stranger…how about a homeless person?

You could even do more if you want to really make a difference in the world.

What are you “choosing” to do today and in the New Year?

May Peace, Health, Prosperity and Happiness be within you to share this coming year and always.

Love Tam

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