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It is important to remember that we are energy. Einstein told us that. And energy cannot be created or destroyed, it just changes form. Rhonda Byrne

What does your energy feel like today? Does it feel warm and fuzzy or overwhelmed and difficult, electric and vibrating, exhausted and dragging or calm and relaxed? Let me know how you feel.

How does your energy look? Black and cold, red and raging or brown and boring…white and illuminating or maybe yellow and cozy, how about bright and light you tell me…

Do you depend on a hit of energy from a power drink, coffee, chocolate or some outside source instead of from within?

You have a choice and if you want support on where to go from here or how to focus that energy in the way you want, well I have a tele-forum for you!

Check it out on the events page or just click here!

https://tammyrowlandcoaching.wordpress.com/upcomingevents/

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Happy New Year!
What do you want to do with 2011?
Have you made room in it for some positive change – a gift to yourself?
Invest some time to discover your passion with the thought-provoking questions below.
Feel free to share them with your friends and family as I have.

Your friendship and support has meant a great deal to me this year and for that I thank you from the bottom of a very grateful heart.

May 2011 be full of Peace, Love and more Joy than you could possibly keep to yourself.

What was the smartest decision you made in 2010?

What is the biggest piece of unfinished business still left from 2010?

What choices did you make in 2010 that you do not want to repeat?

Who made an important impact on you in 2010?

Who do you want to thank or express gratitude/appreciation to? How?

What relationship needs more attention in 2011?

What aspects of your health, appearance and habits need more attention in 2011?

What word would best describe your finances in 2010?
Where did you waste money in 2010?

What area of your finances do you want most to clear up in 2011?

What one thing do you need to do or say that would have made 2010 feel complete?

What did you learn about yourself in 2010 that will help guide you in the New Year?

What value/passion did you live this year?

For what problems must you ask for solutions?

In what areas would you benefit with more education?

Did you feel like you had enough support in 2010?
If not, where could you have used more support?

Are you willing to ask for that support and how will you do so?

Did you have fun in 2010? How can you bring more fun into your life?

What was your biggest high in 2010? What was your low for 2010?

Did you have a theme for the year?

If so how did it guide you? Moving on to 2011… My theme for 2011 is…

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]After being honest with me last week about her REAL “closet eating” issues, today we find out how she worked through her week with food.

The first thing Eve told me was that she wrote down everything, not leaving one morsel out! As she has been weighing is at a weight loss clinic for several months, she went in with all of it in hand. Eve had a day where she needed a fix and ate a box of chocolates and wrote it down as well.  The woman on the other side of the counter was quite critical about what her week. Eve went on to describe the woman as not so perfect herself and somewhat pushy, cocky and arrogant.

I asked if the woman may have been reacting to her defensiveness about what she had done. Quite possibly she said, as they had always been kind in the past. It had been uncomfortable to show her actions on paper to someone else which made her feel like she had to defend herself. Calming down she was able to mention her commitment to herself and felt more power and on another occasion had only a sliver of pie with no desire to sneak more. The sign on her fridge door was a constant reminder that it was “Just for Today” she needed to stay focused on with food.

Had she any new thoughts this week as she moved along her path to being honest with herself? Eve mentioned that she had been a pleaser all her life and worked very hard to make others happy. Now she realized that she is a good person, and needs to make her priority her own happiness. The sign that she was “good enough” last week was a great reminder as well. Eve says she walks a little prouder and everything she does is important, not menial. Everyone’s job is equally important.

Life is “ever interesting” with her spouse and the job decisions up in the air right now. Eve is now realizing that this time in her life is serving a purpose for her. When her spouse has made good decisions in the past, she usually says “I hate it when you’re right!” A great phrase to practice instead of saying you are wrong (as he never believes that he is and she is right sometime too) could be “You may be right.” There is no defensiveness or criticism in this statement. Eve loved this and could hardly wait to use it.

How has being honest with yourself this week changed how you feel about yourself?

“More relaxed and definitely more empowered! It is surprisingly less work than hiding things. I feel more in control and definitely prouder of myself even when I am not perfect.”

 How is not being perfect changing your life?

“It seems less important that it used to be. It was always the barometer of where I needed to be.”

What will you do this week to commit to this honest path of yours?

“To continue to be honest with myself and write down what I am eating no matter what it is.”

 Come back next week to see Eve honestly on her way to the bottom of it all!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Last week Eve was working on not criticizing her husband as a driver or anything else. This has been a challenge, but she catches herself and sometimes even before it leaves her lips! This is progress for Eve and she is moving forward in other areas of her life.

Eve brought up guilt today and went on to talk about how she was not doing as well as she thought she could. Eve has been a “closet eater” all her life and feels she has been letting herself down. She couldn’t even write down everything she ate. She would say she had a cookie not 4. Eve had no acceptance of her lack of will-power and has a desire to” PERFECT” this part of her life with healthy eating and no longer “dieting”.

How does “PERFECT” look to you? Eating just what I need not all the extra. Being the right size and liking what I see in the mirror. Not feeling bad about my lack of self-control in this area. Not being secretive about my eating. What if you weren’t “PERFECT” at this? I’m not but I would like to change it! Trying to be perfect makes me feel awful.

There had been some friends over to have dinner and once again she had the tiniest sliver of dessert as she was watching her weight while the company was over. After everyone else left and her beloved was out of sight she ate another piece of dessert the size she had really wanted. She felt bad about this but it had been her habit to do this for so long it was normal. Another day she brought her spouse and herself out a piece of chocolate that had been a treat only to go back and eat half the box out of sight of him.  

I asked if she ever considered confiding in her husband that she was a closet eater or just eating what she wanted in front of him. Immediately, Eve said that he would not care what she ate or what her dress size was just as long as she was happy. It really wasn’t about him it was about her.

I asked if she would consider telling him and how she would feel about it. A hesitant “maybe” was her answer- followed by her desire to be more open. He did wonder why she struggled with her weight with the amount of food he saw her eat, feeling her frustration. She realized that she had been closer to her beloved since she has been working with me so she was warming to the idea. Eve said that she was sure it would feel good to not hide her eating and that admitting it would mean no more secrets. This was appealing to Eve. The thought gave her a bit of a knot in her stomach none the less.

Eve mentioned that her awareness of herself has made it much easier to be in control. Better in most ways and said that everything doesn’t have to be so serious. Maybe food can be put there too!

Eve has moved from apprehension about the direction of their life because of her husband’s work choices and is noticing more trust and faith in him. This seems to be moving in all areas of her life and feels good because she knows that past choices have all worked out and so will future ones. In the past apprehensions and waiting has sent her to the closet. She would rather know what is going to happen then be in the waiting game, though. Can she stay in her day with her eating? This is going to be the challenge that would not go away overnight.

Honesty with herself is key to her weight issues and I asked if she was willing to start with being honest with herself by writing down every morsel she is consuming from an extra chocolate or 6 to a handful of chocolate chips.  Eve is determined to follow through this week. I had two suggestions to keep in front of her this week. One a sign on her mirror that says “I AM good enough!” and the second for her fridge that says “Just for Today”. She was on it! We will check back next week to see how she is doing. Are you or have you secretly been a “closet eater?” I would be happy to hear your comments on this issue!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] Relationships are always going to be something to work on for most of us, until we accept that others are not us. They don’t completely think like us, act like us, respond like us or much else actually as they are not us. Even when you understand this and are good at acceptance I suspect that occasionally you slip (like I do). Maybe you need a refresher course of action.

Adam and Eve are a terrific couple who have been together for several decades and know each other well…well as well as one can know another person, anyway. They know all the quirks that their partner came into the relationship with and some of the rough edges have been smoothed out over time. Acceptance of those quirks has not always been easy, but to enjoy the relationship and last this long, their has to be acceptance or they would  have become the “Bickersons”! I tell you they are not.

Eve has one thing that is a bit of an issue – she picks on her spouse about driving. You know – like I wrote about in my post “I have learned…my GPS only works for me!” Well Eve had the same affliction of criticizing her spouse wondering why he drove the speed he was or didn’t take her ideal route, etc. It irritated her and she HAD to tell him. Often!

I asked her what she thought he heard when she did this behaviour.

After a moment she replied, “He’s not good enough! I don’t trust him.”

After this huge awareness (and silence) I asked if she trusted him and was he good enough.

She quickly replied that it was yes to both. As Eve had been working on being “good enough” herself this was a real stab to her that she was saying the same thing to him in this behaviour (absolutely not uncommon) and she did not want to continue doing this. She also mentioned that this was certainly not the message that she wanted to convey.

How could Eve amend the behaviour?

So I asked what she wanted to do about it.

Not do it again of course, was her answer.

How would she feel if this is how she was when she was in the car and he was going the wrong way? Probably frustrated at first, but maybe it’s not the wrong way for him.

Bingo! Revelation, now was it possible?

Eve figured it may be difficult as it had been a habit for most of their 30 years of marriage.

Could she apologize, she wasn’t sure.

How could she conscript her husband in the process?

Eve said the next time she was in the car and she felt compelled to do so she would mention it.

The next time they were in the car she commented on his driving (Darn!) and as he looked over at her she realized that she was caught in that old behaviour and immediately apologized, stating she had this overwhelming feeling to correct his driving and that she was working on eliminating it from her not so good habits. He was surprised. He didn’t know she was aware she did it in the first place as she had been a back seat driver forever! This gave Eve an added impetus to work on this. Only a short time later she caught her husband doing the same thing to Eve’s dad and poked him…they both had a good laugh about it and he is now working on it, too.

Eve is not perfect with this but catches herself and apologizes immediately. It was the largest area of criticism in her life. As she has been feeling “good enough” these days she also has not felt the need to defend herself either. All of the work that Eve has done has created incredible shifts in her thinking. Eve told me that she feels really good about giving the right message to her beloved Adam amd this goes deep to her core. I suspect that with all that she is feeling during this process of change, it will aid in the sticking of this new habit of “not doing” something and changing it for a loving action, letting go.

Eve’s knowledge that she is truly a good person and good enough as she is has changed her thoughts, attitudes then actions. This has affected her reality. As she takes care of herself and lets go of others to take care of themselves there is nothing left to defend or criticize. Hmm sounds perfect doesn’t it. Well Eve is the first to note her lack of “perfection” and her goal for the perfect body still lurks in the wings. See you next week when Eve tackles this big part of her growth!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]

I know what you are thinking. Monster’s only eat little children after their parents have tucked them snugly in their beds. Nope that is not the monster I am talking about today. I am talking about the monster in the closet! Check this out…what do you think about this?

Do you have a diet that looks anything like these?

All sugar no vegetables

High carbohydrates low protein

All dairy no fruit

Tons of meat no veggies

Only prepackaged food no whole food

All wasted calories with not near enough healthy stuff!

How is that affecting your body?

When we think of diet we think of only what we ingest –through our mouths.

What about what you take in through your ears?

How is that affecting your spirit?

How about this diet? 

All talk no listening

Lots of gossip no real connecting

Only negativity no positivity

Maybe high values but low standards

To busy hiding to be vulnerable

And the list goes on…

This is a diet that will affect who you really are on the inside, don’t you think? It may even affect how you treat your body, feeding it physical rubbish while you take in all that mental junk. With all the corners being full of life limiting garbage, how much room is there for things that can feed you well?

I can say that the more I was in the negative space of a crappy marriage, the more I fed my body empty calories making me feel even emptier as I was never satisfied.  I have never seen a well balanced person who is 50 pounds overweight unless they are unwell physically. I used to eat those emotions…or might I just say feed the monster inside that only wanted chocolate and cookies. That monster never said “May I have a carrot?” Nope the monster loves sugar, fat and carbs. Nary a veggie or apple in sight!

So if you look into your cupboards and fridge and only see the “monster’s” food, you may want to see what your mental diet has been lately. How do you think it is affecting you?

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] Last week I was quite adamant on “needing stuff to feed your inner core” and actually re-read today the brush off I gave to the physical body. I believe that my intent was to go deeper as the body is the first place many go but I get it. The body needs feeding as well as the soul! There, I said it!

Energy can come from anywhere you get it. Whether it is physical fitness or treating your body like a temple by only putting good for you things past your lips, it may be something that you must do for your energy so have at it. Do whatever energizes you! Yes I am doing the things I have decided to do for energy, but as I thought about the list last week something came to me. When my body is not functioning at its best, I lose energy.

If I am not getting the sleep I need, or I am in pain this is hardly the energetic place I want to be in. Are there things that I can do that can make a difference here? A resounding yes! I go to bed consistently between 10 and 10:30 with the lights out before 11 and my lights are usually out as well.

But there are nights that I don’t fall asleep quickly because of how I am feeling, physically. I suffer with arthritis and menopause, and other stuff that can either keep me up or wake me up often many times in the night. The bottom line is I don’t not get near enough restful sleep those nights so those next days I have no energy.

So what can I do when that happens?

Be good to myself on those days.

This could mean sleeping in to get extra rest, when that is possible.

Rescheduling stuff that is reschedu-able. (I doubt that is a word!)

I can be on top of some medicines for some stuff.

I can do some new exercises I got that may deal with the source of the pain.

Maybe I can let some of my standards for things slide a bit for the day.

These are things I have control over.

What would keep me from getting to the exercise?

In the past it would have said procrastination.  (Laziness!) That is what I called it, anyway.

Today I know it has more to do with how much I value myself.

I wouldn’t have or take the time as I was so busy with other stuff and often for other people.

Today I want my “whole health” to be my priority.

I could ultimately do more of the things I love to do like coaching when I am more rested and energized.

What is the cost of me not taking care of this?

Being tired

Suffering the daily pain

Not being a very happy camper because of the pain –might affect relationships

Not being able to do lots of the things I would like to do or try and some of them with my beloved.

This is a huge cost not to do this.

The benefits far outweigh the effort involved in exercising. I will start by following the physiotherapists prescribed exercises. They take all of about 7 minutes twice a day. How ridiculous is that? Not spending less than 15 minutes of my life to get enough rest to do all I want? Of course I will walk my pooch, Max right after in the mornings. (At least 5 days.) Now if that isn’t “energizing” I do not know what would be! So #6 is doing the exercises.  They will have a huge affect on my life so there you have it. What is your #6?

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