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Posts Tagged ‘Human’

A Winnipeg street after two large snowstorms.

Image via Wikipedia

A Past Yearly Trip West to Winnipeg

The trip was short but took forever.
The visit was fun but difficult.
I was busy, but really I did nothing.
Driving, visiting and drinking tea with everyone hardly counts.
I love my family but it’s not always easy.
One sibling was as excited to see me as I him.
Yet another squeezed me in like an appointment with an annoying customer.
One year since my last visit, 2 since there was time for me.
My mom as always needed more than I ever have to give.
Unfortunate as she is close to no-one.
Her paranoia makes her miserable and depressed.
Friends are my shelter and my grounding.
Without them it would be impossible.
AH, but my youngest son.
The one I truly went to see.
It had been one year since he moved and I saw him last.
I needed to see/feel/know- he was doing as well as he said.
I saw him daily, and he was.
He was peaceful, not pacing.
He was calm, not shaking.
He was chatty and opinionated, not quiet and invisible.
His smiles were easy, his glasses were dirty.
He enjoys his work even though it’s the middle of the night.
He was delightful to see and touch.
It was fun and effortless to be around him.
I was sad to leave him behind but he belongs there.
I hugged him tight and told him what I saw.
He was okay – more than okay.
He was home – it’s not mine anymore, though.
I love him enough to give him wholly to himself and the world.
He may have difficult times ahead of him still,
But today I know that he will be okay.
I don’t feel the same about my mom;
I don’t know that she will be okay.
I do know there is nothing I can really do about it.
I left with the mixed feelings of joy, sadness, laughter and tears.
They remind me that I am alive and living ‘my’ life.
My emotions help me deal with every aspect of my life –
the good and the difficult.
They all teach me something.
I surround myself with wonderful people.
They help me through the difficult times,
And celebrate the happy ones.
I am grateful to be able to feel them all.
This wasn’t always so.

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Tents for homeless people on the Canal Saint-M...

Image via Wikipedia

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Ah yes, the New Year is upon us and what do we want for the New Year?

I think peace on earth would be a great place to start, don’t you?

Healthcare for the world over.

Enough funds for food and a roof over each living soul.

Enough joy to balance out the sorrows in life for all.

To allow all to live how they choose without judgement.

To give value to each other while maintaining a sense of personal value.

That’s all! Well there is really much more, but this is a good place to start.

I guess the question maybe…

What am I willing to do towards this?

Be of service wherever possible.

Give financially where able…not just willing.

Share a smile with a stranger…how about a homeless person?

You could even do more if you want to really make a difference in the world.

What are you “choosing” to do today and in the New Year?

May Peace, Health, Prosperity and Happiness be within you to share this coming year and always.

Love Tam

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] There is this guy who walks his dog daily and meets all kinds of people doing the same. It is generally a good experience but not always. Not all dogs like each other, sort of like people. They can be aggressive, controlling, angry, frustrated and afraid as well. There are also the timid, calm, quiet submissive types as well as the happy ones,  but don’t push them around as they will not put up with it. Together they have greeted many dogs and most but not all have been good experiences.

One day a dog came from an open door of a home at full charge causing great concern that both he and his dog were under attack. This wasn’t their first contact, the last time they met this dog he was quite aggressive. Dogs can be wary of other dogs but even if they are- don’t usually charge. Spend some time in a dog park and you get to see all kinds of greetings, this dog was out to be boss and there was no way to know in advance how this was to turn out!

The guy walking his dog kicked the charging dog as he was all over his own dog. The dog was not hurt and came at the dog again so he kicked a second time afraid his dog would get hurt. This was absolutely a reaction from fear.  Was it uncalled for or an over-reaction, only someone in the exact situation could possibly know, but ultimately he felt awful. This is not who he is or what he does. The other dog owner finally got his dog off and into the house and both dogs were  okay.

The owner of the charger came out yelling and screaming. This was a neighbor and the last thing you want between neighbors is this kind of issue. He apologized several times for kicking the dog, but he really felt under attack. The charging dog’s owner thought this was a perfectly normal greeting for dogs so would not accept his apology. You never hear an owner whose dog attacked someone say, “I knew that would happen!” No, it’s always”he has never hurt another dog or human before!”

There had never been anything but a friendly greeting between him and his neighbor and had only just seen him not five minutes prior and said hello to him in his car. This was not good at all. The neighbor yelled, walked away, and then came back a couple of times to harass this guy who is now questioning his reaction.

Here is his issue.   Second guessing himself and always thinking that he did not only do something wrong and make a mistake, he “should have done it right!”  Is it possible to be right all the time I ask? No but it is because I am not doing something right. Do you think it is possible to be right all the time?  Of course not but I shouldn’t have reacted that way. How would you have done it differently? There was a pause before he answered – probably not. What do you wish were different? The other guys reaction or even if he kept his door closed so I wouldn’t have felt the need to protect myself.

So there was nothing you could have done differently, only the other guy? Yes, I did all I could and he probably would have done the same thing in my situation. The only other thing I could have done was drop my dogs leash so he could have protected himself but it could have gotten much worse and one or both dogs could have been hurt. Okay so you could not have had control over the other person or his dog? No, I could not. So is there anything else you could do? No, just wait and hopefully it will blow over and he will let this go.

People live from their perception. Both this guy and his neighbor have a different perception of the event. It was present based but not inclusive, neither believed the same thing or that the reactions from each other to the event were warranted. The dog walker could see things through the other guys eyes to some extent, he would not want someone to kick his dog either. He felt that if his dog was charging someone else he would have done anything including a kick if that is what it takes to stop the attack. Will the other guy see the opposite viewpoint, unlikely unless a cooler head prevails if ever.

Sometimes we can take a step back to see things from a different angle and get more understanding. Things may not be as they seem, as often there is information you do not know or see or understand or agree with given your own set of values and standards. Does this mean that you need to drop these to get what’s going on? Maybe only long enough to see through their eyes so you may be able to let it go. Our standards maybe high, but if they are so high that we feel bad about every mistake made, believing we “should have known or done something perfect” we may need assistance to get perspective on them. We will be working on “perfectionism” in the future I am sure!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Last week Eve was working on not criticizing her husband as a driver or anything else. This has been a challenge, but she catches herself and sometimes even before it leaves her lips! This is progress for Eve and she is moving forward in other areas of her life.

Eve brought up guilt today and went on to talk about how she was not doing as well as she thought she could. Eve has been a “closet eater” all her life and feels she has been letting herself down. She couldn’t even write down everything she ate. She would say she had a cookie not 4. Eve had no acceptance of her lack of will-power and has a desire to” PERFECT” this part of her life with healthy eating and no longer “dieting”.

How does “PERFECT” look to you? Eating just what I need not all the extra. Being the right size and liking what I see in the mirror. Not feeling bad about my lack of self-control in this area. Not being secretive about my eating. What if you weren’t “PERFECT” at this? I’m not but I would like to change it! Trying to be perfect makes me feel awful.

There had been some friends over to have dinner and once again she had the tiniest sliver of dessert as she was watching her weight while the company was over. After everyone else left and her beloved was out of sight she ate another piece of dessert the size she had really wanted. She felt bad about this but it had been her habit to do this for so long it was normal. Another day she brought her spouse and herself out a piece of chocolate that had been a treat only to go back and eat half the box out of sight of him.  

I asked if she ever considered confiding in her husband that she was a closet eater or just eating what she wanted in front of him. Immediately, Eve said that he would not care what she ate or what her dress size was just as long as she was happy. It really wasn’t about him it was about her.

I asked if she would consider telling him and how she would feel about it. A hesitant “maybe” was her answer- followed by her desire to be more open. He did wonder why she struggled with her weight with the amount of food he saw her eat, feeling her frustration. She realized that she had been closer to her beloved since she has been working with me so she was warming to the idea. Eve said that she was sure it would feel good to not hide her eating and that admitting it would mean no more secrets. This was appealing to Eve. The thought gave her a bit of a knot in her stomach none the less.

Eve mentioned that her awareness of herself has made it much easier to be in control. Better in most ways and said that everything doesn’t have to be so serious. Maybe food can be put there too!

Eve has moved from apprehension about the direction of their life because of her husband’s work choices and is noticing more trust and faith in him. This seems to be moving in all areas of her life and feels good because she knows that past choices have all worked out and so will future ones. In the past apprehensions and waiting has sent her to the closet. She would rather know what is going to happen then be in the waiting game, though. Can she stay in her day with her eating? This is going to be the challenge that would not go away overnight.

Honesty with herself is key to her weight issues and I asked if she was willing to start with being honest with herself by writing down every morsel she is consuming from an extra chocolate or 6 to a handful of chocolate chips.  Eve is determined to follow through this week. I had two suggestions to keep in front of her this week. One a sign on her mirror that says “I AM good enough!” and the second for her fridge that says “Just for Today”. She was on it! We will check back next week to see how she is doing. Are you or have you secretly been a “closet eater?” I would be happy to hear your comments on this issue!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]

The Universe is one HUGE truth and we have our truth in it!

What if we accepted each person as never being wrong?

What if they are right but still choose wrong?

What if we did not work so hard to convince others to OUR way of thinking?

What if we agree to disagree?

What if we loved one another no matter what race we are, what God we believe in, what political affiliation we are connected to, what job we have or even choices we made?

What if we allowed people their own truth?

This is a big question and how you answer this is how you are probably living. Do you spend you time arguing with people to agree with your politics? How about religion? Maybe even what is the right way to raise children? Do you want others to live the way you believe to be the right way? What really is the right way?

Is it not ALL about choice? What are you choosing? Lots of questions today, but I am not sure I have many answers. I am sitting here writing this after conversing with a group of coaches on how to strengthen our families and this was a great portion of the discussion.

How can we actively respect others truths? Can we decide that there are just subjects that we cannot discuss because our truths are polar opposites? Maybe that boundary is the only way. What if we COULD discuss whatever that subject was? Could we then get to know why they have their truth? Maybe we could find out who they are as people. It is about just – being.

We don’t have to agree with others choices or truths, but accepting them is respectful. What if we all respected each other, no matter our differences? I think the world would likely be more peaceful. Do you not think that this respect given could say that I love you, even if I do not agree?

If when I wrote in another post, “Love is always the answer” is my truth, can you accept it even if you do not agree 100%? I do believe that when someone shows me respect by listening to what I have to say, I feel acceptance. This, is love. Can you love others as you love yourself?  Whatever your answer, you are right and I accept that!!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]

Human being asking Universe...

Image by CLUC via Flickr

I accept myself completely.

I accept my strengths and my weaknesses,
my gifts and my shortcomings,
my good points and my faults.

I accept myself completely as a human being.

I accept that I am here to learn and grow, and
I accept that I am learning and growing.

I accept the personality I’ve developed, and
I accept my power to heal and change.

I accept myself without condition or reservation.

I accept that the core of my being is goodness and
that my essence is love, and
I accept that I sometimes forget that.

I accept myself completely, and in this acceptance
I find an ever-deepening inner strength.

From this place of strength, I accept my life fully and
I open to the lessons it offers me today.

I accept that within my mind are both fear and love, and
I accept my power to choose which
I will experience as real
I recognize that I experience only the results
of my own choices.

I accept the times that I choose fear
as part of my learning and healing process, and
I accept that I have the potential and power
in any moment to choose love instead.

I accept mistakes as a part of growth,
so I am always willing to forgive myself and
give myself another chance.

I accept that my life is the expression of my thought, and
I commit myself to aligning my thoughts
more and more each day with the Thought of Love.

I accept that I am an expression of this Love
Love’s hands and voice and heart on earth.

I accept my own life as a blessing and a gift.

My heart is open to receive, and I am deeply grateful.

May I always share the gifts that I receive
fully, freely, and with joy.

(I wish I had said that!) Author Unknown

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