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BASE Building

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I fell off my bicycle 2 weeks ago. Not to worry, I am okay with mostly bumps and bruises. I sat in the street in agony laughing my head off. The two retired women who came to my rescue couldn’t help but laugh as they scraped me off the asphalt and dragged my bike the 3 houses I got. It was my beloved’s old bike actually and I was just giving it an around the block test-drive to decide if I would actually ride it or sell it. The ride lasted 30 seconds but I am still paying for it, but healing.

I have been building my strength and energy for the past year or so. The idea that I may actually be interested in riding the bike was not mine.  Although I am always looking for things to do with my beloved, I truly did not think that I would be into the bicycling thing, but I did not think I would fall or plan for it. So why did I get on the bike?

Well, I figured that I owed it to him to try. I didn’t get on the bike for me as for us really. I love spending time with my beloved so if only for me, there would have been no test-drive. I do no seem to have great natural balance so have fallen of roller blades and bikes and things with wheels and blades – heck even a toboggan! I have always been just more safe when I stay on my feet, planted firmly on the ground.

This is not to say I will try other things. I have considered zip lining between trees with a friend of mine. This will have to wait until my shoulder heals, though. Even para-sailing off a dock over the water, but to land in the water is not my bag either! Even the idea of jumping off a cliff tandem with someone who has a glider strapped to their back has some appeal. I think its that feeling of flying through the air that I want to try!

I am not writing this to discourage you to try stuff out, frankly quite the opposite. If you want to be sure that something is not for you then give it a shot. If you want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a parachute strapped firmly to your back, JUMP! Why not? I am continuing to heal and build strength and energy at the gym on a bicycle that is nailed down and only one wheel as I see it. This is giving me energy while doing cardio and adding circulation to  heal my leg.

What will you try out just to see if it’s your thing? Be sure to wear a helmet and elbow pads!

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  1. Let it go …you really can’t control your beloved, only your own behaviours. Not to be confused with giving up or giving in. Acceptance is the key to harmony. Let go, and love.
  2. Trust your beloved – they are in this relationship, too. We all get up wanting to do our best, sometimes we just miss our own mark and end up…just doing our best.
  3. Really talk ‘with’ not ‘at’ your beloved –let yourself be vulnerable. Get to really know each other. We falsely believe we know our partners well only to find out something new we didn’t know by talking and being open ourselves.
  4. Know and act like you’re in it together, not islands but not actually attached either. It is easier; believe me to do something together, because two heads are better than one. Would you have loved them the same if they were EXACTLY like you? This does not mean that you need finish each others sentences either…I personally like to finish my own. Also, have something in your life that is not connected to your beloved. You tend to appreciate each other more and it gives you something interesting to bring to the relationship.
  5. Neither of you are perfect – REALLY! This is self-explanatory, isn’t it? Yes we are ALL wrong sometimes!
  6. Laugh at your imperfections – together preferably. Look, it can be great fun to laugh at the world occasionally (providing they don’t know or get hurt by it) but to notice ones faults and still be able to laugh at yourself and not get miffed when your beloved joins in, that’s togetherness.
  7. Know that you have not always been perfect to each other… read the above for more info – if necessary.
  8. Apologize easily whenever you are wrong, and probably often. Refer to #5 if needed. But remember, continually apologizing for the same mistake gets tiresome for both parties. Isn’t it better to actually deal with the issue? It will not magically vanish into thin air without some effort.
  9. Work on your relationships daily.  The relationship is a gift that can keep on giving, if you keep on giving to it.
  10. Show and tell your beloved daily that you love them. Tell them you love them and why. Do something special for the heck of it. When was the last time you did something your partner hates just because it would remove it from their to-do list? How about flowers or dinner and a movie? If you are not the verbal kind of guy, how about a love note? It doesn’t have to be poetry, just from your heart. Do something nice without pointing it out to get credit for it. This can be a toughie for some. Don’t wait until you FEEL like it, do it NOW!
  11. Pray to have lots of days, months and years together. Even the bad moments remind us of how good the great moments are. Time is a gift. We need to treat today like it may be our last with our beloved and pray that they will be around longer than you.
  12. Get up tomorrow and do it all again, lovingly. Nobody is perfect, but as long as we can get up again, there is hope.  Start the day anew. You have it in you to forgive all past sins if you really want to live without resentments.  Besides, don’t you want all YOUR past sins forgiven?        The answer to every question is LOVE!

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7 THINGS TO GIVE YOUR BELOVED

1-      LOVE ~ Love him/her from where you are today. Not where you wish you were or were yesterday. This way you can enjoy the moment for what it is not expecting it to be different. Yesterday I was annoyed so that would be a lousy place to love him from. I may already be projecting a difficult situation I have to deal with tomorrow and be overwhelmed by it while my beloved has no clue how I feel.

2-      ACCEPTANCE ~ All my beloved wants is for me to take him as he is…not TRY to change him. This took some time to get to, but what a gift it is to spend time with someone with no agendas on either part. Controlling comes in many forms…just ask me!

3-      UNDERSTANDING ~ When they need to talk- they only want you to listen, unless they ask for an opinion- DON”T OFFER ONE! When they want your opinion, DON”T TRY TO FIX IT! When they need your expertise, unless they ask you to do it for them- DON”T TAKE OVER!

4-      LAUGHTER ~ Lighten up! Watch funny stuff like comedies, kid’s movies and cartoons together that will make you laugh. Laugh at your beloved’s jokes no matter how often you have heard them. There aren’t enough reasons to laugh, so make some up as you go along. Nobody gets me like my beloved and vice-versa, so we have tons of private jokes. Call during the day just to share in intimate chuckle, it will make your day. Life is way too short to spend it seriously.

5-      SPACE ~ This can mean both physical and mental space. I need to do things by myself – for myself and so does my beloved. We check with each other to be sure it does not inflict badly on each other, but we take time for ourselves. The mental space took me forever to sort out. It’s the space you need to think and come to your own thoughts and decisions about a thing. That means I don’t try to control the direction of my beloved’s thoughts or hurry the process along to an answer, just give the space needed for it to arise. It surprisingly doesn’t take that much time. REALLY!

6-      TIME ~ Don’t be so caught up in your own space and time that you neglect the relationship. It needs to be nurtured by both parties. You can only affect your part so step up. Start out small so as not to smother or become controlling about it. If come to gently, your beloved will come along willingly. Find a few things that you can do together where you may interact and create more opportunities to laugh and grow your intimacy. Cartoons are one thing but a walk in the park holding hands has a completely different feel about it.

7-      PUPPIES ~ This seems like a funny thing but it kind of goes along with the space thingy. My beloved always wanted a puppy. I said no after having kids, dogs (both from a previous marriage-only the kids came as a package into this one) and cats up to that point, I knew how much work was in it for me (who is in the home WAY more then my beloved). Finally after about 17 years together, kids grown and flown the coop, I surrendered to this cute puppy (from hell, actually), he was thrilled. It brought out the playful child in him. He (we) gets more exercise and spends time  in nature and outdoors playing and walking the dog. Who knew the affect an animal could have. We always had cats but a dog is truly a different relationship. Do what you will but if he REALLY wants a puppy, and you have some time on your hands, like 2 years for training, GO FOR IT! You (eventually) won’t be sorry.

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After my New Year’s blog on change, I am following up by launching a NEW Group Coaching event here in Montreal starting February 21, 2011. I am only offering this to 8 women as it is such an intimate yet powerful group. You will not want to miss this opportunity so register quickly!

Please go to  Upcoming Events to see all the information as well as testimonials from a few attendees from a previous group. Consistently they mentioned words like safe and fun to describe the environment felt in the group sessions. Self-awareness and growth are personal goals gained from each of my clients as they moved forward along their personal path.

Women have come together for generations doing such things as knitting circles or quilting bees, pot-luck meals or movie nights. The largest benefit has always been that feeling of connection and togetherness that holds us together in difficult times. In today’s world where the pace of society and technology has kept us more isolated than ever, this is a REAL chance to reconnect! Bring a friend; share this with someone you know who could really benefit from so “me time”. Someone who may be on “PAUSE” “STUCK” or just “BORED”.

Mid-life can be that moment of transition that allows for something different. It doesn’t mean down-hill or over the hill for that matter. It can truly be an exciting time for you!  Maybe the first half of your life was all about your spouse, parents or family. I am sure you are happy you did but NOW it’s YOUR time! Time to uncover something to be passionate about! Maybe you stuck your dreams on hold for your family and now they have flown the coop so you can finally pursue your dreams!

A renewed energy that can be spent in any direction YOU choose! A new business, political pursuits, social injustice, or something that makes you FEEL alive! Maybe you have a known or unknown talent that has been waiting for you to develop it now that you have the time! The group creates a space to find out “what” or sort out the “how”.

I enjoy being part of the group experience and share in each persons joy from the “AHA moments” that come about, knowing that they will respond differently in their lives  from that moment on. It is truly an opportunity for anyone who is interested in change with support of others in a similar place in their lives. Now is the time for you, and you deserve to take it! I look forward to hearing from you and supporting your forward motion.

For more information on group or one-on-one coaching, don’t hesitate to contact me through the email on the contact page.

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Cover of "8 Women"

Cover of 8 Women

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]The time is NOW for a NEW YOU!

 

Is it time for a change?

Are you stuck?

Do you know which way to go next?

Are you at a crossroads in your life as a woman of a certain age?

I am launching a NEW Group Coaching Event open to the first 8 women ready for a change.

Starting February 21, 2011!

I am sure some of you are asking what Coaching is.

The short answer of what it is and is not…

Coaching is a supported self-guided path to change.

Whatever change you are ready for I will meet you there and co-create a plan for moving forward.

Coaches are in the asking business and that is what I am here to do!

Therapy can deal with past pain, whereas mentoring and consulting shows you how by an expert.

I will not give medical advice.

 

Why would you participate, you ask?

Participants from the last session will share with you some of their reasons.

“I have been able to clarify what is important to me and make decisions more consciously…I have a better & more clear idea of what makes me “tick”. I have also increased my self-acceptance. Impact: A safe enough environment to help me have the courage to tell the truth about myself to myself. Anne B.

“The group provided me with the opportunity to meet fabulous women on a similar journey & our get-togethers inevitably led to a heightened level of personal understanding. It was a blast!” Helene S. 

“It helped me set priorities and motivate me towards working on my goals. I am more assertive in communicating my needs. I thought it was a great workshop! Tammy is a great facilitator!” Veronica P.

“These women created a bond with each other and felt safe to share their inner-most feelings. Women supporting women has worked throughout the generations. Today’s need is no less valuable. Bring a friend to share this special time with knowing you will be the better for it.”
Tammy Rowland

Things we will discuss:

Self-Discovery ~Relationships~ Intuition; following your gut instinct ~Empowerment ~ Joy~Feeling Balanced~
Get clarity around your Needs and Values ~ Strategies for what’s next ~
How to transform your life to have more of what you want

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starting: Monday’s February 21st, 2011 to March 28th, 2011
We meet for 6 weeks from 7:00 pm–9:00 pm – Location TBA
Register: Call Tammy Rowland @ 514-918-5476
Cost after February 14th – $250.00
Interac Money Transfer & Cheques accepted payable to:
9044-9646 Quebec Inc.

**There is a $50 discount upon registering before February 14th so call now!

Payment must be cleared to hold your spot as it is first come first registered.
One on One Coaching sessions also available

Contact Tammy Rowland (514)918-5476 tammyrowland@bell.net
Certified Life Coach ~ CoachU Graduate ~ International Coach Federation Member

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Tents for homeless people on the Canal Saint-M...

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Ah yes, the New Year is upon us and what do we want for the New Year?

I think peace on earth would be a great place to start, don’t you?

Healthcare for the world over.

Enough funds for food and a roof over each living soul.

Enough joy to balance out the sorrows in life for all.

To allow all to live how they choose without judgement.

To give value to each other while maintaining a sense of personal value.

That’s all! Well there is really much more, but this is a good place to start.

I guess the question maybe…

What am I willing to do towards this?

Be of service wherever possible.

Give financially where able…not just willing.

Share a smile with a stranger…how about a homeless person?

You could even do more if you want to really make a difference in the world.

What are you “choosing” to do today and in the New Year?

May Peace, Health, Prosperity and Happiness be within you to share this coming year and always.

Love Tam

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kiss inc.

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  • Acceptance is the key to harmony. Let it go …you really can’t control your beloved, only your own behaviours. Not to be confused with giving up or giving in. Let go, and let love be the answer.
  • Trust your beloved – they are in this relationship, too. We all get up wanting to do our best, sometimes we just miss our own mark and end up…just doing our best.
  • Talk ‘with’ not ‘at’ your beloved –let yourself be vulnerable. Get to really know each other. We falsely believe we know our partners well only to find out something new we didn’t know by talking and being open ourselves.
  • Know that you’re in it together, not islands but not actually attached either. It is easier, believe me to do something together, because two heads are better than one. Would you have loved them the same if they were EXACTTLY like you? This does not mean that you need finish each other’s sentences either…I personally would like to finish my own. Also, have something in your life that is not connected to your beloved. You tend to appreciate each other more and it gives you something more to bring to the relationship.
  • Know that neither of you are perfect – REALLY! This is self-explanatory, isn’t it.
  • Laugh often -even at your imperfections – together preferably. Look, it can be great fun to laugh at others (providing they don’t get hurt) but to notice ones faults and still be able to laugh at yourself and not get miffed when your beloved joins in, that’s togetherness.
  • Know that you have not always been perfect to each other…read the above for more info – if necessary.
  • Apologize easily whenever you are wrong, and probably often. But remember, continually apologizing for the same mistake gets tiresome for both parties. Isn’t it better to actually deal with the issue?
  • Work on your relationships daily.  The relationship is a gift that can keep on giving, if you keep on giving to it.
  • Show and tell each other daily that you love each other. Tell them you love them and why. Do something special for the heck of it. Do something nice without pointing it out to get credit for it. This can be a toughie.
  • Pray to have lots of days, months and years together like this one. Time is a gift as well. We need to treat today like it may be our last with our beloved and pray that they can be around longer than you.
  • Get up again tomorrow and do it all again, lovingly. Look, nobody is perfect, but as long as we can get up again, there is hope.  Start the day anew. You have it in you to forgive all past sins, if you really want to and start fresh.  Besides, don’t you want all YOUR past sins forgiven? The answer to every question is love.
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