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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Happy New Year!
What do you want to do with 2011?
Have you made room in it for some positive change – a gift to yourself?
Invest some time to discover your passion with the thought-provoking questions below.
Feel free to share them with your friends and family as I have.

Your friendship and support has meant a great deal to me this year and for that I thank you from the bottom of a very grateful heart.

May 2011 be full of Peace, Love and more Joy than you could possibly keep to yourself.

What was the smartest decision you made in 2010?

What is the biggest piece of unfinished business still left from 2010?

What choices did you make in 2010 that you do not want to repeat?

Who made an important impact on you in 2010?

Who do you want to thank or express gratitude/appreciation to? How?

What relationship needs more attention in 2011?

What aspects of your health, appearance and habits need more attention in 2011?

What word would best describe your finances in 2010?
Where did you waste money in 2010?

What area of your finances do you want most to clear up in 2011?

What one thing do you need to do or say that would have made 2010 feel complete?

What did you learn about yourself in 2010 that will help guide you in the New Year?

What value/passion did you live this year?

For what problems must you ask for solutions?

In what areas would you benefit with more education?

Did you feel like you had enough support in 2010?
If not, where could you have used more support?

Are you willing to ask for that support and how will you do so?

Did you have fun in 2010? How can you bring more fun into your life?

What was your biggest high in 2010? What was your low for 2010?

Did you have a theme for the year?

If so how did it guide you? Moving on to 2011… My theme for 2011 is…

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Tents for homeless people on the Canal Saint-M...

Image via Wikipedia

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Ah yes, the New Year is upon us and what do we want for the New Year?

I think peace on earth would be a great place to start, don’t you?

Healthcare for the world over.

Enough funds for food and a roof over each living soul.

Enough joy to balance out the sorrows in life for all.

To allow all to live how they choose without judgement.

To give value to each other while maintaining a sense of personal value.

That’s all! Well there is really much more, but this is a good place to start.

I guess the question maybe…

What am I willing to do towards this?

Be of service wherever possible.

Give financially where able…not just willing.

Share a smile with a stranger…how about a homeless person?

You could even do more if you want to really make a difference in the world.

What are you “choosing” to do today and in the New Year?

May Peace, Health, Prosperity and Happiness be within you to share this coming year and always.

Love Tam

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]

Amy Gross wrote about the 10-Minute Mind Spa and I thought you might enjoy taking a few moments to try it. It is terrific to the people who have either not tried meditating or have had difficulty. You cannot do it wrong, but it does take time to melt into it. Even a few short moments may be the diffierence of connecting versus not trying at all. Give it a shot, I know you want to!
 
You say you can’t meditate because you “can’t stop thinking.” But, really, not thinking is not what it’s about. The point of meditation is to bring you to clarity so you know you are in fact thinking, or planning, or being depressed or hungry or angry or (it could happen) happy. The point is to become mindful—not mindless.

Most mental activity, you’ll see, distracts you from knowing what’s actually going on in and around you. We’re often lost in thought or worry, absorbed in the past or future. Meditation slices through the fog and brings you right back home, to where you actually are. It’s not woo-woo, it’s not esoteric or exotic. It’s brain training. Try this to get the flavor (you’ll probably want to close your eyes after reading the instructions to reduce visual input)

  • Sit in an upright but comfortable way. Scan your body to check that you’re relaxed—your eyes, jaw, shoulders, belly, hands, and legs. Sit and know that you are sitting. Become aware of your breath moving in and out. Think “out” when you feel the fall of the exhalation, “in” when you feel the rise or pressure or stretching or tingling of the inhalation (what are the sensations?). When your mind wanders—there’s no question it will—acknowledge that you’ve lost contact with your breath, and watch the next inhalation roll in.
  • The most important thing to realize is that every moment you notice you’ve wandered off is a moment of being aware, of clarity. That’s what you’re going for. What does it feel like? Within nanoseconds, you’ll be thinking again, and becoming aware that you’re thinking, and starting again. The more you do it, the more you’ll have the experience of that pause when the mind is actually clear and present—that taste of freshness.
  • You can do this anytime, for any amount of time. Try it for a minute, try it for 10. Pay close attention to a single in-breath, a single out-breath. Every experience of awareness makes the next more likely. The enrichment to your life has to be experienced to be believed.
  • Personally, I have an amazing ability to zone out looking out my kitchen window. There are trees and bushes and squirrels busily hiding their nuts for the winter to look at and then suddenly I am just there. Completely there. When my mind wanders off I note where it has taken me and I am grateful for the clarity that the moment of truly being has allowed. It’s worth 10 minutes to try out the “Mind Spa”. You will be delighted by how refreshed and clear headed you may feel afterwords. If a dog can live in the moment, I am sure we can too! Have an incredible weekend, friends!

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    [tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]

    The Universe is one HUGE truth and we have our truth in it!

    What if we accepted each person as never being wrong?

    What if they are right but still choose wrong?

    What if we did not work so hard to convince others to OUR way of thinking?

    What if we agree to disagree?

    What if we loved one another no matter what race we are, what God we believe in, what political affiliation we are connected to, what job we have or even choices we made?

    What if we allowed people their own truth?

    This is a big question and how you answer this is how you are probably living. Do you spend you time arguing with people to agree with your politics? How about religion? Maybe even what is the right way to raise children? Do you want others to live the way you believe to be the right way? What really is the right way?

    Is it not ALL about choice? What are you choosing? Lots of questions today, but I am not sure I have many answers. I am sitting here writing this after conversing with a group of coaches on how to strengthen our families and this was a great portion of the discussion.

    How can we actively respect others truths? Can we decide that there are just subjects that we cannot discuss because our truths are polar opposites? Maybe that boundary is the only way. What if we COULD discuss whatever that subject was? Could we then get to know why they have their truth? Maybe we could find out who they are as people. It is about just – being.

    We don’t have to agree with others choices or truths, but accepting them is respectful. What if we all respected each other, no matter our differences? I think the world would likely be more peaceful. Do you not think that this respect given could say that I love you, even if I do not agree?

    If when I wrote in another post, “Love is always the answer” is my truth, can you accept it even if you do not agree 100%? I do believe that when someone shows me respect by listening to what I have to say, I feel acceptance. This, is love. Can you love others as you love yourself?  Whatever your answer, you are right and I accept that!!

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    kiss inc.

    Image by e.esders via Flickr

  • Acceptance is the key to harmony. Let it go …you really can’t control your beloved, only your own behaviours. Not to be confused with giving up or giving in. Let go, and let love be the answer.
  • Trust your beloved – they are in this relationship, too. We all get up wanting to do our best, sometimes we just miss our own mark and end up…just doing our best.
  • Talk ‘with’ not ‘at’ your beloved –let yourself be vulnerable. Get to really know each other. We falsely believe we know our partners well only to find out something new we didn’t know by talking and being open ourselves.
  • Know that you’re in it together, not islands but not actually attached either. It is easier, believe me to do something together, because two heads are better than one. Would you have loved them the same if they were EXACTTLY like you? This does not mean that you need finish each other’s sentences either…I personally would like to finish my own. Also, have something in your life that is not connected to your beloved. You tend to appreciate each other more and it gives you something more to bring to the relationship.
  • Know that neither of you are perfect – REALLY! This is self-explanatory, isn’t it.
  • Laugh often -even at your imperfections – together preferably. Look, it can be great fun to laugh at others (providing they don’t get hurt) but to notice ones faults and still be able to laugh at yourself and not get miffed when your beloved joins in, that’s togetherness.
  • Know that you have not always been perfect to each other…read the above for more info – if necessary.
  • Apologize easily whenever you are wrong, and probably often. But remember, continually apologizing for the same mistake gets tiresome for both parties. Isn’t it better to actually deal with the issue?
  • Work on your relationships daily.  The relationship is a gift that can keep on giving, if you keep on giving to it.
  • Show and tell each other daily that you love each other. Tell them you love them and why. Do something special for the heck of it. Do something nice without pointing it out to get credit for it. This can be a toughie.
  • Pray to have lots of days, months and years together like this one. Time is a gift as well. We need to treat today like it may be our last with our beloved and pray that they can be around longer than you.
  • Get up again tomorrow and do it all again, lovingly. Look, nobody is perfect, but as long as we can get up again, there is hope.  Start the day anew. You have it in you to forgive all past sins, if you really want to and start fresh.  Besides, don’t you want all YOUR past sins forgiven? The answer to every question is love.
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    [tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] Relationships are always going to be something to work on for most of us, until we accept that others are not us. They don’t completely think like us, act like us, respond like us or much else actually as they are not us. Even when you understand this and are good at acceptance I suspect that occasionally you slip (like I do). Maybe you need a refresher course of action.

    Adam and Eve are a terrific couple who have been together for several decades and know each other well…well as well as one can know another person, anyway. They know all the quirks that their partner came into the relationship with and some of the rough edges have been smoothed out over time. Acceptance of those quirks has not always been easy, but to enjoy the relationship and last this long, their has to be acceptance or they would  have become the “Bickersons”! I tell you they are not.

    Eve has one thing that is a bit of an issue – she picks on her spouse about driving. You know – like I wrote about in my post “I have learned…my GPS only works for me!” Well Eve had the same affliction of criticizing her spouse wondering why he drove the speed he was or didn’t take her ideal route, etc. It irritated her and she HAD to tell him. Often!

    I asked her what she thought he heard when she did this behaviour.

    After a moment she replied, “He’s not good enough! I don’t trust him.”

    After this huge awareness (and silence) I asked if she trusted him and was he good enough.

    She quickly replied that it was yes to both. As Eve had been working on being “good enough” herself this was a real stab to her that she was saying the same thing to him in this behaviour (absolutely not uncommon) and she did not want to continue doing this. She also mentioned that this was certainly not the message that she wanted to convey.

    How could Eve amend the behaviour?

    So I asked what she wanted to do about it.

    Not do it again of course, was her answer.

    How would she feel if this is how she was when she was in the car and he was going the wrong way? Probably frustrated at first, but maybe it’s not the wrong way for him.

    Bingo! Revelation, now was it possible?

    Eve figured it may be difficult as it had been a habit for most of their 30 years of marriage.

    Could she apologize, she wasn’t sure.

    How could she conscript her husband in the process?

    Eve said the next time she was in the car and she felt compelled to do so she would mention it.

    The next time they were in the car she commented on his driving (Darn!) and as he looked over at her she realized that she was caught in that old behaviour and immediately apologized, stating she had this overwhelming feeling to correct his driving and that she was working on eliminating it from her not so good habits. He was surprised. He didn’t know she was aware she did it in the first place as she had been a back seat driver forever! This gave Eve an added impetus to work on this. Only a short time later she caught her husband doing the same thing to Eve’s dad and poked him…they both had a good laugh about it and he is now working on it, too.

    Eve is not perfect with this but catches herself and apologizes immediately. It was the largest area of criticism in her life. As she has been feeling “good enough” these days she also has not felt the need to defend herself either. All of the work that Eve has done has created incredible shifts in her thinking. Eve told me that she feels really good about giving the right message to her beloved Adam amd this goes deep to her core. I suspect that with all that she is feeling during this process of change, it will aid in the sticking of this new habit of “not doing” something and changing it for a loving action, letting go.

    Eve’s knowledge that she is truly a good person and good enough as she is has changed her thoughts, attitudes then actions. This has affected her reality. As she takes care of herself and lets go of others to take care of themselves there is nothing left to defend or criticize. Hmm sounds perfect doesn’t it. Well Eve is the first to note her lack of “perfection” and her goal for the perfect body still lurks in the wings. See you next week when Eve tackles this big part of her growth!

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    [tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]

    I know what you are thinking. Monster’s only eat little children after their parents have tucked them snugly in their beds. Nope that is not the monster I am talking about today. I am talking about the monster in the closet! Check this out…what do you think about this?

    Do you have a diet that looks anything like these?

    All sugar no vegetables

    High carbohydrates low protein

    All dairy no fruit

    Tons of meat no veggies

    Only prepackaged food no whole food

    All wasted calories with not near enough healthy stuff!

    How is that affecting your body?

    When we think of diet we think of only what we ingest –through our mouths.

    What about what you take in through your ears?

    How is that affecting your spirit?

    How about this diet? 

    All talk no listening

    Lots of gossip no real connecting

    Only negativity no positivity

    Maybe high values but low standards

    To busy hiding to be vulnerable

    And the list goes on…

    This is a diet that will affect who you really are on the inside, don’t you think? It may even affect how you treat your body, feeding it physical rubbish while you take in all that mental junk. With all the corners being full of life limiting garbage, how much room is there for things that can feed you well?

    I can say that the more I was in the negative space of a crappy marriage, the more I fed my body empty calories making me feel even emptier as I was never satisfied.  I have never seen a well balanced person who is 50 pounds overweight unless they are unwell physically. I used to eat those emotions…or might I just say feed the monster inside that only wanted chocolate and cookies. That monster never said “May I have a carrot?” Nope the monster loves sugar, fat and carbs. Nary a veggie or apple in sight!

    So if you look into your cupboards and fridge and only see the “monster’s” food, you may want to see what your mental diet has been lately. How do you think it is affecting you?

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