Posts Tagged ‘perserverance’

ten ; believe

ten ; believe (Photo credit: RCabanilla)

In order to receive blessings in your life you must believe 2 things.

First, you must believe that whatever you want is possible.

And second, you must believe that you deserve it.

It’s one thing to believe that it is possible to have a healthy and prosperous life, and completely another to believe that you deserve it.

You were meant to be prosperous – in health, love, joy and finance.

Do you believe that?  Or are sabotaging thoughts permitting you from receiving your blessings?

If you want to receive these blessings, then you must eliminate the sabotaging thoughts and replace it with a simple mantra that says “I deserve to receive blessings in my life.”

I have been there…that place where I did not believe. It has taken some time and effort to change that belief. That knowing that I deserve to live my dreams.

It felt as though it snuck up on me from ~I don’t know where. I had it ~ then I didn’t. Life situations did some nastiness to my belief systems then down the negative path of disbelief I went.

The good news is you can change this if it has happened with you. Start here and now to kick those old beliefs to the curb and start believing you deserve better.

Keep reading for more stuff on building a vision of your life’s dream.

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University of You Montreal Group Coaching Workshop

Is it time for a change?

Are you stuck?

Do you know which way to go next?

Are you at a crossroads in your life?

New Launch date information for October 2011 coming shortly!

For more information or to let me know of interest in an upcoming group:

Call Tammy Rowland @ 514-918-5476

For more details check out the “coming events” page.

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After my New Year’s blog on change, I am following up by launching a NEW Group Coaching event here in Montreal starting February 21, 2011. I am only offering this to 8 women as it is such an intimate yet powerful group. You will not want to miss this opportunity so register quickly!

Please go to  Upcoming Events to see all the information as well as testimonials from a few attendees from a previous group. Consistently they mentioned words like safe and fun to describe the environment felt in the group sessions. Self-awareness and growth are personal goals gained from each of my clients as they moved forward along their personal path.

Women have come together for generations doing such things as knitting circles or quilting bees, pot-luck meals or movie nights. The largest benefit has always been that feeling of connection and togetherness that holds us together in difficult times. In today’s world where the pace of society and technology has kept us more isolated than ever, this is a REAL chance to reconnect! Bring a friend; share this with someone you know who could really benefit from so “me time”. Someone who may be on “PAUSE” “STUCK” or just “BORED”.

Mid-life can be that moment of transition that allows for something different. It doesn’t mean down-hill or over the hill for that matter. It can truly be an exciting time for you!  Maybe the first half of your life was all about your spouse, parents or family. I am sure you are happy you did but NOW it’s YOUR time! Time to uncover something to be passionate about! Maybe you stuck your dreams on hold for your family and now they have flown the coop so you can finally pursue your dreams!

A renewed energy that can be spent in any direction YOU choose! A new business, political pursuits, social injustice, or something that makes you FEEL alive! Maybe you have a known or unknown talent that has been waiting for you to develop it now that you have the time! The group creates a space to find out “what” or sort out the “how”.

I enjoy being part of the group experience and share in each persons joy from the “AHA moments” that come about, knowing that they will respond differently in their lives  from that moment on. It is truly an opportunity for anyone who is interested in change with support of others in a similar place in their lives. Now is the time for you, and you deserve to take it! I look forward to hearing from you and supporting your forward motion.

For more information on group or one-on-one coaching, don’t hesitate to contact me through the email on the contact page.

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Happy New Year!
What do you want to do with 2011?
Have you made room in it for some positive change – a gift to yourself?
Invest some time to discover your passion with the thought-provoking questions below.
Feel free to share them with your friends and family as I have.

Your friendship and support has meant a great deal to me this year and for that I thank you from the bottom of a very grateful heart.

May 2011 be full of Peace, Love and more Joy than you could possibly keep to yourself.

What was the smartest decision you made in 2010?

What is the biggest piece of unfinished business still left from 2010?

What choices did you make in 2010 that you do not want to repeat?

Who made an important impact on you in 2010?

Who do you want to thank or express gratitude/appreciation to? How?

What relationship needs more attention in 2011?

What aspects of your health, appearance and habits need more attention in 2011?

What word would best describe your finances in 2010?
Where did you waste money in 2010?

What area of your finances do you want most to clear up in 2011?

What one thing do you need to do or say that would have made 2010 feel complete?

What did you learn about yourself in 2010 that will help guide you in the New Year?

What value/passion did you live this year?

For what problems must you ask for solutions?

In what areas would you benefit with more education?

Did you feel like you had enough support in 2010?
If not, where could you have used more support?

Are you willing to ask for that support and how will you do so?

Did you have fun in 2010? How can you bring more fun into your life?

What was your biggest high in 2010? What was your low for 2010?

Did you have a theme for the year?

If so how did it guide you? Moving on to 2011… My theme for 2011 is…

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Last week Eve was working on not criticizing her husband as a driver or anything else. This has been a challenge, but she catches herself and sometimes even before it leaves her lips! This is progress for Eve and she is moving forward in other areas of her life.

Eve brought up guilt today and went on to talk about how she was not doing as well as she thought she could. Eve has been a “closet eater” all her life and feels she has been letting herself down. She couldn’t even write down everything she ate. She would say she had a cookie not 4. Eve had no acceptance of her lack of will-power and has a desire to” PERFECT” this part of her life with healthy eating and no longer “dieting”.

How does “PERFECT” look to you? Eating just what I need not all the extra. Being the right size and liking what I see in the mirror. Not feeling bad about my lack of self-control in this area. Not being secretive about my eating. What if you weren’t “PERFECT” at this? I’m not but I would like to change it! Trying to be perfect makes me feel awful.

There had been some friends over to have dinner and once again she had the tiniest sliver of dessert as she was watching her weight while the company was over. After everyone else left and her beloved was out of sight she ate another piece of dessert the size she had really wanted. She felt bad about this but it had been her habit to do this for so long it was normal. Another day she brought her spouse and herself out a piece of chocolate that had been a treat only to go back and eat half the box out of sight of him.  

I asked if she ever considered confiding in her husband that she was a closet eater or just eating what she wanted in front of him. Immediately, Eve said that he would not care what she ate or what her dress size was just as long as she was happy. It really wasn’t about him it was about her.

I asked if she would consider telling him and how she would feel about it. A hesitant “maybe” was her answer- followed by her desire to be more open. He did wonder why she struggled with her weight with the amount of food he saw her eat, feeling her frustration. She realized that she had been closer to her beloved since she has been working with me so she was warming to the idea. Eve said that she was sure it would feel good to not hide her eating and that admitting it would mean no more secrets. This was appealing to Eve. The thought gave her a bit of a knot in her stomach none the less.

Eve mentioned that her awareness of herself has made it much easier to be in control. Better in most ways and said that everything doesn’t have to be so serious. Maybe food can be put there too!

Eve has moved from apprehension about the direction of their life because of her husband’s work choices and is noticing more trust and faith in him. This seems to be moving in all areas of her life and feels good because she knows that past choices have all worked out and so will future ones. In the past apprehensions and waiting has sent her to the closet. She would rather know what is going to happen then be in the waiting game, though. Can she stay in her day with her eating? This is going to be the challenge that would not go away overnight.

Honesty with herself is key to her weight issues and I asked if she was willing to start with being honest with herself by writing down every morsel she is consuming from an extra chocolate or 6 to a handful of chocolate chips.  Eve is determined to follow through this week. I had two suggestions to keep in front of her this week. One a sign on her mirror that says “I AM good enough!” and the second for her fridge that says “Just for Today”. She was on it! We will check back next week to see how she is doing. Are you or have you secretly been a “closet eater?” I would be happy to hear your comments on this issue!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] We generate FEAR while we sit.

We can overcome it by “ACTION”.

Fear is natures warning to get busy

and “GET GOING”!

My intuition knows where to “GO”.

When were you really gripped by fear? I don’t mean the kind of fear that strikes you when someone cuts you off in traffic and you were sure to hit them but diverted just in time. But that kind of fear that left you feeling like pulling the covers over your head forever. I have certainly felt that fear in my life on many occasions.

What do you do to overcome that fear? There are many choices that could be taken. All of them stem from some form of action. The action may come in the form of praying for faith and direction which is more my chosen first action today. It may come in the form of a decision to just walk away from that which has shaken you to the core. It may be to boldly go where you have never gone before and grab fear by the throat and just shake it!

By the end of my first marriage I was on a roller coaster ride of fear that lasted months. What if I couldn’t do it on my own? What if he really did hunt me down and kill me or steal my kids from me. These were real threats that added to my fears as he had been an abusive drunk. I justified staying then the fear would hit me again. What if these things happened while I waited for the courage to do something about it? I had been stomped on, pushed and shoved, held down and kept small for long enough! When the fear of staying was greater than the fear of leaving it was a no brainer! “GO!”

If fear was natures warning to run then I had best RUN! When an animal is in fear that exactly what they do. Have you ever seen those National Geographic documentaries of where some hunted animal doesn’t even see his predator, but just knows he is being hunted and starts to run? He seems to intuitively know to run and which direction to go. I think if you are connected in any way to your intuition, you will know where to go.  

I was a spiritual being at the time reading shelves full of self help books and books on higher beings other than God. So as much as I did not believe in God, I must have been connected to something. I ran! I packed whatever would fit in two cars, picked up my kids from school and drove an hour away to the city to save myself and my children. We stayed at a friend’s home for two weeks until I could get assistance and a home with low rent all just days before Christmas that year. Life goes on and ours did.

This event had been one of my biggest fears more than 20 years ago. There was much drama after that eventful day, but today I am living and breathing and so are my children. Today my adult sons have a relationship with their father, even though he still drinks. They are learning to accept him flaws and all. Children are very affected by growing up in an alcoholic environment and it seems to run downhill in families. With good fortune they grow up and learn something different than what they lived.  My grandfather and father died of the disease of alcoholism so there are all kinds of issues that come with this in your family of origin. If any of this sounds familiar to you or anyone you know please check out the resource page.

You may have some huge fears of your own. They may be public speaking, spiders or even getting a new job or talking to you current boss. It doesn’t matter what the fear is, it feels the same within everyone. Paralyzing! Palms sweat, head hurts, knees wobble, you start to stutter so cannot seem to form words let alone sentences. You justify and rationalize all kinds of excuses so you just do not have to face IT!

The answer is always ACTION! Do something and trust your instincts. So what if it isn’t perfect! Maybe you won’t do it gracefully even, who cares? The pride you will feel with your very soul for having given it a shot will add two inches to you height for some time. If the fear is more than you can face alone, I can support your motion. Have a great and FEAR-less day!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] “Envy is the art of counting the other fellows blessings instead of our own.” Harold Coffin

Eve started off the session with an important statement for her. “I have wasted too much time crying over things that I wouldn’t have done different! I am good the way I am.” After our last session I gave Eve a cd of music. On it are all female vocalists with some very powerful songs. A couple of them had lyrics that really struck Eve; “That’s Who I Am” by Jessica Andrews and “Video” by India Arie so she listened to them often over the past week. Sometimes we need reminders in many forms to tell us we are good enough. She truly started out the session excited!

Last week in Evesdropping #3 mentioned she envied many different people and their lives.  This is not who she is, she knew that but was disconcerted that it had come up. What did others have that she really wanted or did they actually have things she wanted. So the question is “What do you want for yourself?” Eve has friends who winters in the dry heat of the south and have been invited with her spouse to visit them in the winter. This hasn’t happened yet. Why not? There have been too many things up in the air these last few years to consider it. Last year they had taken another trip already, and how many times can one go away in one winter? As many as you can afford and want, but why not for you? Truly there was no REAL reason, except she had never done anything that frivolous even with her husband without a ton of thought. Taking time away for them now seems a real priority and will consider doing it more regularly, even if it is twice in one winter.

Another thing Eve wants in no stress. After asking what stresses her, it is mostly not knowing where they will be living based on her spouses consulting work. Some of this not knowing feels in her face with another couple they are friends with are quite planned out until they die, probably. They are not there and that does leave a bit of envy with all this not knowing at the moment. Question; “How flexible are you?” After thought Eve said she felt she was quite flexible, although some changes in her life have been more difficult than others. All in all she rides the waves. So how important is it to know what’s next? “Actually life is kind of an adventure for us. We don’t know where we are going but it has always worked out no matter where we have moved to and where my husband has worked.” I can hear a surprised sound in her voice as she says “You know, I don’t think I would be so excited about always knowing what our next step is going to be. Where is the fun in that?”

So, I ask Eve to sum up our session for me. Eve felt that after looking at her life as a whole it has been quite a ride so far. Envy has not had a big role in it, but being honest with herself, it has had some part in how she felt about herself and her life. She has had been good riding the waves and is looking forward to the next one whenever it comes and there is little she can do but wait, so she can keep working on herself until then. Eve is feeling good about how well she feels with such a few sessions under her belt. Her new empowered self is emerging as self accepting, more confident and generally happier. What’s up for Eve next week? It’s all about relationships.  That’s all I am going to tell you about, so come back next week and get the scoop.

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] Fall is typically back to school for students, but why not YOU? I am launching my “University of You” Workshop with everyone in the Montreal area. Discover what talents you have within or your life’s purpose if you are not already living it. There are 2 events starting September 14th at 10 a.m. and September 20th at 7 p.m. Check out Upcoming Workshops for full details.

Who would be interested in coming? Maybe you need to power up your decision making muscles or strengthen your connection to your intuition or creativity. You could have issues of paralyzing fears or need to strategize for growth in your business. This workshop is all about you and your desire to move in the direction of your heart and soul. Have you considered trying on a new career? How about taking on a new relationship in your life? If you can dream it ­– you can have it!

What’s in it for YOU? Growth, clarity, empowerment, new “energizing” habits, new relationships, strength, courage, direction, strategies, desire, joy or creativity? It is a creative process. You have this ability within you and I will be there to inspire and support you on your journey.

Move Courageously into 2010 Strengthening Your Intuition and Empowering Your Decisions. Receive coaching in the intimate and confidential space of an inspiring and supportive group. Each participant will be there with their agenda while supporting each other in attaining what they came to achieve. Bring your willingness and intention for growth and development. This could be the journey of a lifetime!

Space is limited so register today by sending me a not through Upcoming Workshops or the Contact page. I am looking forward to supporting your magnificence!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] When I was in primary school, I had a simplistic view of what I knew.  Things were black or white, right or wrong. My view was that I was wrong and my parents were right until I was right and they were wrong. As a young teen mixed up in an adult world, things became very confusing.  My point of view became a resounding grey. I could no longer define black or white, right or wrong as information came in mixed messages. I became the chameleon, changing with the wind or opinion of the moment. If you stated the sky was blue, it was, without even looking out the window.

I didn’t notice when it started only when it ended. I was easily confused when the message was continually mixed. Adults saying one thing and doing another in regards to smoking, drinking, lying, and sex to mention a few. Little white lies were okay, but bigger black ones, were not. Don’t do anything bad. Do what you can live with. “Do what I say and not as I do”, was the great mantra to questions of “why?” My parents made all the decisions and questioned any that I made. It was near impossible to believe that I had value when I didn’t feel valued. Trust became a luxury I didn’t possess.

My lack of view became a habit of no opinion. Becoming an adult with this malady carried with it someone who couldn’t make a decision or make simple choices. Default became my answer to most questions asked. If I couldn’t go along with someone else’s choice, I would table the answer until there were no choices left. Living by default creates frustration, bitterness, resentment, anger, a lack of confidence and self worth.

I don’t think that I looked the wreck I felt to the rest of the world. People said that I was fun and had a great sense of humor. I laughed at everything, even some inappropriate things.  I had been hiding the secrets of my life for so long that I was good at smiling on the outside. I felt lower than dust, invisible on the inside. I carried these feelings into all my relationships for many years. Little made me feel happy for very long. I was angry and judged the world, including and especially my family. I felt empty, and thought I would disappear completely. I tried to fill this feeling with busyness.

Listening and offering advice to anyone who would share there lives with me filled my life. As long as I was fixing others, I wouldn’t have to look at my own. This unhappiness went with me into my first marriage. I became fearful of letting others really know me as I didn’t think they could like me if they really knew who I was.  This affected my early working years as I was afraid to try for bigger jobs as I didn’t think I could do it and was afraid that the powers that be would laugh if I tried out for them.

My entire life was based on fear, and it had guided me for longer than I could admit. I realized that I was afraid that if I had an opinion, it would be wrong or others wouldn’t agree and wouldn’t like me. If I made a wrong choice “there would be hell to pay.” It hadn’t occurred to me that I was already paying the price with my soul. I had been bullied my whole life from one person to another until submissiveness was easier than fighting. My first husband was the culmination of all the bullies in my life.

I realize that no choice is also a decision made.  It was time to do something that I wanted to do. I started my own business doing something that actually made me feel good about myself. My business was about helping and teaching women to look and feel beautiful. Every women I met was more beautiful than me, but it lifted me up and gave me legs to stand on- however wobbly.

My new found opinions affected my relationships. My mother had been trying to run my life for years until I had the strength to take a stand and step into the role myself. My mother is a strong character who handled single parenthood with six children like a drill sergeant. I believe that this strength is something that I got from her once she stepped aside and let me make my own mistakes, including the “cheap $200 wedding” to the louse of my dreams that pried me easily from her clutches.

My next stand was the J-O-B I had, managing a club with no decision making power. It was perfect for the invisible me but now it no longer fit. My opinions affected my first marriage the most. For years I had been the contented gardener of castle martyrdom, to someone who believed I wasn’t worthy of respect. I was no longer accepting unacceptable behavior. The tears were now in the past. My marriage was doomed.  I was no longer the chameleon to his point of view.

Opinions and choices are muscles that need regular exercise. They strengthen one decision at a time. On my own with my 2 children, I got plenty of exercise- there was no room for default. Choices and decisions needed to be made from the moment I opened my eyes until I shut them at the end of every day. In a very short time I had become a decision making machine. There were times I was so opinionated that I would argue until you agreed with me. I became the bully. It wasn’t me it was my muscles! They became too strong. They morphed out like a weight lifters. Whether the milk was $1.50 or $1.60, it wasn’t worth a battle. Not everything was that important.

Finding balance is knowing when to stand up for what I believe and when to shut up. Today I know that if something isn’t going to be an issue in a month or maybe even a year, it’s probably not important enough to argue about. Being right used to be a badge of honor until it became an accusation.  Arrogance had me believing that I needed to be right all the time. “Too much of a good thing”, I believe is the phrase.

Today I can express my opinion, knowing once is sufficient. After that I am trying to convince others to agree with my point of view. When I forget, I seem to notice the noise then realize that it’s coming from me. I apologize then shut up.

I like making decisions and having opinions, but they can change with new information. I must not get lazy with the little choices like restaurants to eat at or movies to see or even how I feel. The chameleon comes out when the muscles turn to flab from lack of use. It’s not usually hard to keep it up. How are your decision making muscles? Are they in need of a work-out?

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] There are lots of things I have worked on pitching. Some I have been successful at and others…well you know, they take a lot longer and more attention. Here are a few I have been working on, some a LONG time.

1) Resentment- Do you know that the only one who is affected by this is you? This does suck! We spend all that energy for days, weeks and sometimes even years and what do we get? Bitter! Let it go and know that you are loved and so likely is the person you are resenting. If they harmed you it is in their heart, let them carry it.

2) Anger – What is the point in blowing your blood pressure through the roof. Think something calming like the serenity prayer. God grant me the patience to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I know there are plenty of versions but this one is the simplest and does not include hiding any bodies of those you chose to get rid of.

03) Fear – Where there is fear, there is no faith. Can you let go of fear or send love to yourself or what you are afraid of? Fear drains energy. Stop feeding it and cut it off at the knees – with love.

4) Need for approval – I have spent many of my 50 years hoping someone would love me, think I was important, think I was beautiful or smart. Today I find that my actions are my own barometer on if I approve of myself. Putting myself together daily to look good is about my ability to feel okay about myself, not because others will approve.

5) Negativity – You know who you are. People tell you that you are negative and you say you are a realist. Well to heck with your reality, make a game of it. When you catch yourself saying something “realistic” try saying it in a positive manner. “We will never get to the movie on time!” to “If we don’t get to the movie on time we can go out for coffee.” or “It’s okay if we don’t get there on time.” or better yet “We will be fine whenever we get to the movie. We can always pick one that hasn’t started yet.” There are tons of options that are even bigger steps to positive, so give it a try.

6) False pride – Have you asked for help lately? Do you think you are above asking? Do you think you will look less than if you do? We all need help now and again for simple things and sometimes for bigger stuff. I don’t mean to take advantage of the assistance but to just reach out; or help someone else who is struggling. Have no expectation for a return on that gift. Go for it, you will surprise yourself and probably the person you ask or offer yourself to.

7) Inflated sense of self – Do you think you are better than others? Why? Because you are richer, smarter, have a sense of style? Do you have better taste and only see films, not movies? I figure we are all the same. We were all born the same way and will all die. The stuff in between is about how you live your life- how you treat others. Are you kind and respectful? Do you accept other people’s differences? Is it okay that we are ALL flawed? Try looking at even the homeless man as the same as you, you may even decide to feed him. Bring him some food or a new pair of socks. He needs them too!

8) People pleasing – I think this is about putting other people needs always before your own. I did this for years. I think I had a gold medal for this one. If someone else needed me to do something for them- I can guarantee I would drop whatever it was I was going to do for myself to do it for them. My sense of personal value was very low. I had to learn the “No.” was a complete sentence and that I could say “Yes!” to me. Start an epidemic of “Yes!” and put yourself at the top of your own priority list. You deserve to be there!

9) Being a survivor – I used to wear it like a badge of honour. I have had many, many experiences in my life. I figured if I were a cat I would be 2/3rds done by now and have only 3 lives left! I know I have learned allot and grown as well as matured because of these experiences. The word survive sounds like I just missed the end many times, but I think I am here for a purpose so everything I have been through has given me something and with it I can give something back. I am now a “LIFER”. I have lived and hope to live for several more decades. Three cheers for “LIFE”!

10) Worry and Guilt – I know it’s a double winner but they are in the same field. Both are a waste of energy. Most of what we worry about never happens and guilt is a waste. Most of what we feel guilty about are choices. We made the best choices we could under the circumstances we made them. If we could have made a better one, don’t you think you would have? I do! Get over it and move on. Use that energy to look forward to make new choices and learn to live exceptionally. I believe in you.

Yes I know there are tons more things you can throw out; like clothes that don’t do a thing for you and uncomfortable shoes. Make your own list or better yet, write a comment and add yours!

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