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Posts Tagged ‘perserverance’

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] Fall is typically back to school for students, but why not YOU? I am launching my “University of You” Workshop with everyone in the Montreal area. Discover what talents you have within or your life’s purpose if you are not already living it. There are 2 events starting September 14th at 10 a.m. and September 20th at 7 p.m. Check out Upcoming Workshops for full details.

Who would be interested in coming? Maybe you need to power up your decision making muscles or strengthen your connection to your intuition or creativity. You could have issues of paralyzing fears or need to strategize for growth in your business. This workshop is all about you and your desire to move in the direction of your heart and soul. Have you considered trying on a new career? How about taking on a new relationship in your life? If you can dream it ­– you can have it!

What’s in it for YOU? Growth, clarity, empowerment, new “energizing” habits, new relationships, strength, courage, direction, strategies, desire, joy or creativity? It is a creative process. You have this ability within you and I will be there to inspire and support you on your journey.

Move Courageously into 2010 Strengthening Your Intuition and Empowering Your Decisions. Receive coaching in the intimate and confidential space of an inspiring and supportive group. Each participant will be there with their agenda while supporting each other in attaining what they came to achieve. Bring your willingness and intention for growth and development. This could be the journey of a lifetime!

Space is limited so register today by sending me a not through Upcoming Workshops or the Contact page. I am looking forward to supporting your magnificence!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] When I was in primary school, I had a simplistic view of what I knew.  Things were black or white, right or wrong. My view was that I was wrong and my parents were right until I was right and they were wrong. As a young teen mixed up in an adult world, things became very confusing.  My point of view became a resounding grey. I could no longer define black or white, right or wrong as information came in mixed messages. I became the chameleon, changing with the wind or opinion of the moment. If you stated the sky was blue, it was, without even looking out the window.

I didn’t notice when it started only when it ended. I was easily confused when the message was continually mixed. Adults saying one thing and doing another in regards to smoking, drinking, lying, and sex to mention a few. Little white lies were okay, but bigger black ones, were not. Don’t do anything bad. Do what you can live with. “Do what I say and not as I do”, was the great mantra to questions of “why?” My parents made all the decisions and questioned any that I made. It was near impossible to believe that I had value when I didn’t feel valued. Trust became a luxury I didn’t possess.

My lack of view became a habit of no opinion. Becoming an adult with this malady carried with it someone who couldn’t make a decision or make simple choices. Default became my answer to most questions asked. If I couldn’t go along with someone else’s choice, I would table the answer until there were no choices left. Living by default creates frustration, bitterness, resentment, anger, a lack of confidence and self worth.

I don’t think that I looked the wreck I felt to the rest of the world. People said that I was fun and had a great sense of humor. I laughed at everything, even some inappropriate things.  I had been hiding the secrets of my life for so long that I was good at smiling on the outside. I felt lower than dust, invisible on the inside. I carried these feelings into all my relationships for many years. Little made me feel happy for very long. I was angry and judged the world, including and especially my family. I felt empty, and thought I would disappear completely. I tried to fill this feeling with busyness.

Listening and offering advice to anyone who would share there lives with me filled my life. As long as I was fixing others, I wouldn’t have to look at my own. This unhappiness went with me into my first marriage. I became fearful of letting others really know me as I didn’t think they could like me if they really knew who I was.  This affected my early working years as I was afraid to try for bigger jobs as I didn’t think I could do it and was afraid that the powers that be would laugh if I tried out for them.

My entire life was based on fear, and it had guided me for longer than I could admit. I realized that I was afraid that if I had an opinion, it would be wrong or others wouldn’t agree and wouldn’t like me. If I made a wrong choice “there would be hell to pay.” It hadn’t occurred to me that I was already paying the price with my soul. I had been bullied my whole life from one person to another until submissiveness was easier than fighting. My first husband was the culmination of all the bullies in my life.

I realize that no choice is also a decision made.  It was time to do something that I wanted to do. I started my own business doing something that actually made me feel good about myself. My business was about helping and teaching women to look and feel beautiful. Every women I met was more beautiful than me, but it lifted me up and gave me legs to stand on- however wobbly.

My new found opinions affected my relationships. My mother had been trying to run my life for years until I had the strength to take a stand and step into the role myself. My mother is a strong character who handled single parenthood with six children like a drill sergeant. I believe that this strength is something that I got from her once she stepped aside and let me make my own mistakes, including the “cheap $200 wedding” to the louse of my dreams that pried me easily from her clutches.

My next stand was the J-O-B I had, managing a club with no decision making power. It was perfect for the invisible me but now it no longer fit. My opinions affected my first marriage the most. For years I had been the contented gardener of castle martyrdom, to someone who believed I wasn’t worthy of respect. I was no longer accepting unacceptable behavior. The tears were now in the past. My marriage was doomed.  I was no longer the chameleon to his point of view.

Opinions and choices are muscles that need regular exercise. They strengthen one decision at a time. On my own with my 2 children, I got plenty of exercise- there was no room for default. Choices and decisions needed to be made from the moment I opened my eyes until I shut them at the end of every day. In a very short time I had become a decision making machine. There were times I was so opinionated that I would argue until you agreed with me. I became the bully. It wasn’t me it was my muscles! They became too strong. They morphed out like a weight lifters. Whether the milk was $1.50 or $1.60, it wasn’t worth a battle. Not everything was that important.

Finding balance is knowing when to stand up for what I believe and when to shut up. Today I know that if something isn’t going to be an issue in a month or maybe even a year, it’s probably not important enough to argue about. Being right used to be a badge of honor until it became an accusation.  Arrogance had me believing that I needed to be right all the time. “Too much of a good thing”, I believe is the phrase.

Today I can express my opinion, knowing once is sufficient. After that I am trying to convince others to agree with my point of view. When I forget, I seem to notice the noise then realize that it’s coming from me. I apologize then shut up.

I like making decisions and having opinions, but they can change with new information. I must not get lazy with the little choices like restaurants to eat at or movies to see or even how I feel. The chameleon comes out when the muscles turn to flab from lack of use. It’s not usually hard to keep it up. How are your decision making muscles? Are they in need of a work-out?

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] There are lots of things I have worked on pitching. Some I have been successful at and others…well you know, they take a lot longer and more attention. Here are a few I have been working on, some a LONG time.

1) Resentment- Do you know that the only one who is affected by this is you? This does suck! We spend all that energy for days, weeks and sometimes even years and what do we get? Bitter! Let it go and know that you are loved and so likely is the person you are resenting. If they harmed you it is in their heart, let them carry it.

2) Anger – What is the point in blowing your blood pressure through the roof. Think something calming like the serenity prayer. God grant me the patience to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I know there are plenty of versions but this one is the simplest and does not include hiding any bodies of those you chose to get rid of.

03) Fear – Where there is fear, there is no faith. Can you let go of fear or send love to yourself or what you are afraid of? Fear drains energy. Stop feeding it and cut it off at the knees – with love.

4) Need for approval – I have spent many of my 50 years hoping someone would love me, think I was important, think I was beautiful or smart. Today I find that my actions are my own barometer on if I approve of myself. Putting myself together daily to look good is about my ability to feel okay about myself, not because others will approve.

5) Negativity – You know who you are. People tell you that you are negative and you say you are a realist. Well to heck with your reality, make a game of it. When you catch yourself saying something “realistic” try saying it in a positive manner. “We will never get to the movie on time!” to “If we don’t get to the movie on time we can go out for coffee.” or “It’s okay if we don’t get there on time.” or better yet “We will be fine whenever we get to the movie. We can always pick one that hasn’t started yet.” There are tons of options that are even bigger steps to positive, so give it a try.

6) False pride – Have you asked for help lately? Do you think you are above asking? Do you think you will look less than if you do? We all need help now and again for simple things and sometimes for bigger stuff. I don’t mean to take advantage of the assistance but to just reach out; or help someone else who is struggling. Have no expectation for a return on that gift. Go for it, you will surprise yourself and probably the person you ask or offer yourself to.

7) Inflated sense of self – Do you think you are better than others? Why? Because you are richer, smarter, have a sense of style? Do you have better taste and only see films, not movies? I figure we are all the same. We were all born the same way and will all die. The stuff in between is about how you live your life- how you treat others. Are you kind and respectful? Do you accept other people’s differences? Is it okay that we are ALL flawed? Try looking at even the homeless man as the same as you, you may even decide to feed him. Bring him some food or a new pair of socks. He needs them too!

8) People pleasing – I think this is about putting other people needs always before your own. I did this for years. I think I had a gold medal for this one. If someone else needed me to do something for them- I can guarantee I would drop whatever it was I was going to do for myself to do it for them. My sense of personal value was very low. I had to learn the “No.” was a complete sentence and that I could say “Yes!” to me. Start an epidemic of “Yes!” and put yourself at the top of your own priority list. You deserve to be there!

9) Being a survivor – I used to wear it like a badge of honour. I have had many, many experiences in my life. I figured if I were a cat I would be 2/3rds done by now and have only 3 lives left! I know I have learned allot and grown as well as matured because of these experiences. The word survive sounds like I just missed the end many times, but I think I am here for a purpose so everything I have been through has given me something and with it I can give something back. I am now a “LIFER”. I have lived and hope to live for several more decades. Three cheers for “LIFE”!

10) Worry and Guilt – I know it’s a double winner but they are in the same field. Both are a waste of energy. Most of what we worry about never happens and guilt is a waste. Most of what we feel guilty about are choices. We made the best choices we could under the circumstances we made them. If we could have made a better one, don’t you think you would have? I do! Get over it and move on. Use that energy to look forward to make new choices and learn to live exceptionally. I believe in you.

Yes I know there are tons more things you can throw out; like clothes that don’t do a thing for you and uncomfortable shoes. Make your own list or better yet, write a comment and add yours!

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What feeds your soul?

[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]
Yeah, for me! Last week I kicked off “10 daily “energizing” habits and I for one did it! Well I did the first one, which was the plan, after all. I was a bit lazy on the weekend as I did some writing in advance, sort of. In reality I wrote every day as I was working on a new piece or editing one for the next day so it seems that is the nature of this beast. All is good and I am feeling pretty good about my start.

How did you do? Yeah, for you, too! You can send me a note and let me know, I am very interested in your successes as well as potential stumbles. I know myself, if there was no commitment, i.e. to my readers, whoever you are, I probably would have let other things I previously deemed more important, take precedent.

Here we are at week 2 and it was quite the decision what to add next. There were so many to choose from. Actually I am lying, I am really working hard at creating a list of “energizing” habits, that won’t be the “flossing the teeth” kind. I have some sorted but there is room for more so please, give us a hand and tell me yours. That being said, something that always has fed me is reading!

I love reading, yet often I will put it to the bottom of the list and not quite get around to it. I enjoy more than one style of book.I vary between sappy romances (not as much these days), the slightly deeper one offs – often first books from authors and the great stuff that feeds my soul and spirit. There are many of this kind of book on my shelf so I would like to get back to “The Purpose Driven Life”. I started it some months ago when I wanted information on purpose but only got to page 25, not even to the end of chapter 4! (It was even in the bathroom! Actually that may be why I stopped mid chapter.) The author Rick Warren suggests reading one chapter a day with something to ponder and a question at the end of each chapter. There are 40 chapters so this is a great book to start as it will last 37 days or more than 5 weeks! If I like the book I will recommend it on my resource page. If not I will trade it off to something else as long as it continues to “energize” me.

 I truly applaud you along your journey with habits that give you energy. If you are stumbling along, gracefully strolling or skipping  down the road while adding some amazing habits to your life, please send me a note of encouragement or let me encourage you. We can do this together, I know we can!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] Last week I wrote from a thought after reading …to always try just “one more time” and immediately- it was all wrong for me. I missed out on the most important points so I will do this “one more time” for me- and for you.

I really have ditched the word “try” from my vocabulary. My antenna goes up when I hear someone say “I will try to be there…” Or “I will try not to do that again.” It is a word that is already saying ‘NO’ without actually saying it. A set up. An excuse, like “well I said I would only try.” When I have used try with an invite- I actually forget all about the actual event the moment I say try. If I really wanted to go I would check my calendar or say yes right away. ‘Try’ means it’s not that important to me, reminding me of the Principle “we all act in our own best interests” and this wasn’t in mine.

Do you “try” to get to work on time? Do you try to pick up the kids from school on time? Do you try to eat healthy? HOWHow about trying to get enough exercise! What are you really saying when you do not commit to the action?
Some of us were over committed as kids – you know the sports teams, school, social activities, etc. Maybe we had too much chaos at home so a sense of over-responsibility to everything. I did the babysitting of 4 younger siblings with my brother as well as we cooked, cleaned and felt like slaves with lots of responsibility and no pay. I think this may have caused us to be wary of committing to things that may even be great for us but are just one more thing on our to-do list.

How about not wanting to hurt other people’s feelings by saying “no”. Your actions may be saying their feelings are more important than being true to your own. I have done that, for sure! Hmmm…how did that happen? Lots of reasons on the how and why but do we want to continue this behaviour? Has it ever occurred to you that you do not have to make excuses or justify your “No”? Did you know that it is more than okay to say “No” politely?

“No.” is a complete sentence! By eliminating “try” from your everyday language you change how you feel about yourself. Do it (Don’t even think to just try!) for the next week and see how many times you catch yourself saying ‘try’. See if you can restate the statement that you used it in an affirmative way.” Yes.”, “No.”, “I will considerer it.” or “I don’t know and will get back to you.” then do so. You will feel empowered, really! Let me know how that works for you.

If you are stuck in the “trying” of life, contact me and I will give you a free laser coaching session so that you can kick that “trying” habit!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]I have done many things and not done even more. Some of them were things I “tried” then failed. Maybe I was not invested, or even believed that I would fail before I started. But the things that were successful, were all worthwhile because I did them. They didn’t have to be “change the world” things, just maybe “change me” a little things. Like losing weight, or reading something positive daily or even writing a blog. Stuff I did then forgot about doing then gave it another shot “one more time”. So if I am want of something more in life, there are probably a few things on “the list” of things that need a bit more effort or another try- maybe “one more time”. How about you?

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