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Posts Tagged ‘self-esteem’

yellow brick road

Is this your yellow brick road?

Are the goals you are working on yours?

Does it feel like the road is paved in gold and it seems all you have to do is dream it and it becomes your reality or is it like slogging around the base of a mountain but not quite getting your footing to climb it or you can’t find the path?

One reason may be that someone else set the goal for you. Not consciously but maybe they want something for you more than you want it.

Even without knowing it you may have set a goal you felt you “should” set based on someone else’s beliefs or desires for you. It either overwhelms you or even under-whelms you. Hard to put your heart into something like that isn’t it?

Does your goal feel somewhat pressured, not in a good way.   Do you feel pushed towards it, vs. drawn towards it? Like you cannot imagine not getting to the end result!

You may even want the goal but there may not have been enough thought or planning around it. Reality may or may not have an impact on your goal but put those glasses on to check it out if necessary. This is not to burst your balloon, but looking at all your options is still valuable.

Anything can be done if there is enough desire and energy to move you forward. If you have been less that “there” lately, then start with a smaller yet S-M-A-R-T goal.  One you know you CAN achieve with a small stretch then make each next goal bigger so that as you take those achievable steps, you are creating an environment of energy that will make even the seemingly impossible, POSSIBLE!

I too have had a past full of goal setting where I did well, then not so well. In hindsight I realize that my aversion to goal-setting was absolutely from getting to a place of setting goals that felt I “should” do, it would look good, I would feel better about myself, etc, etc,etc.

What I know today is that a goal has to be driven by your Vision. The one YOU want for yourself. The goals are the stepping stones towards it. You will feel drawn towards your goals and Vision in a way that feels like that path of gold off to OZ. All you need do is dream it, then be S-M-A-R-T about it!

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the law of attraction

the law of attraction (Photo credit: Brenda Cooper)

Ever since the movie The Secret came out, there has been a huge buzz around the Law of Attraction and manifesting what we want through our thoughts.  This was a great tool to increase awareness within our culture of this very powerful concept.

 

Visioning what you want and believing it to be true is one of the greatest of all tools at our disposal.  We get what we think about, good or bad.

But don’t forget that all important component in the law of attraction – the second part of the word – ACTION.

You don’t need to figure out every detail of the “how”, you just need to take action and move toward your vision in faith. The rest will work itself out.

 

What actions can you start taking today to manifest what you want in your life?

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Why not live life as a blonde?

I remember a commercial from decades ago told us if we did not like who we were we could “live it as a blonde”. As if changing our hair color was all we had to do. Is it really that simple? It has not been for me, how about you?

If you don’t like what’s happening to or around you – what are you doing about it?

If you want your life to be different who are you willing to become to be able to have that?

Life is good- even when it’s difficult or sad or when you are blue. Think of the alternatives.

You could have less than you do right at this very moment…yes you want more of something, but more than what exactly?

Do you know what you want? All you have to do is ask yourself, “What exactly do I want?”

Easy question but are you ready for the answer? Better yet are you ready to change? You will need to make some changes or you would have “it” already!

It’s not difficult but it is a process and if you are the impatient kind of person, this will add a different dimension to slow!  Slow can mean steady when you are doing the next thing that will facilitate the change but usually change needs choice then courage then persistence then a new habit.

Don’t stop now! You deserve to have what you want and dream about. Just because it will take more than five minutes to get there doesn’t mean it’s not worth the effort! The effort is part of the glory at the end when we know we did it!  Some folks can get a book to give them the guidance to start heading in the right direction while others need a cheerleader or someone who helps them connect with their Inner Guidance System.

That cheerleader can come in many forms. A good friend or relative, an excellent boss or even a hired hand can support you through whatever part of the path that needs it. The dedicated hands will be there to ask the hard questions and prod you on. You may not even like the kind of assistance they can give you but it is easier when it’s not a boss or spouse. Not great for building relationships if you come off not appreciative for the aide.

There are lots of tools on the internet that can get you started. The first step is a desire to change then the rest is just one step at a time.  Mind Tools is a good website resource that has all kinds of tools that can get you started, but if you decide you want a coach, of course there is me but there is also a load of info on coaching at findacoach.com.

If life for you is a simple as changing your hair colour then go for it! Live it as a blond, brunet, red head or just let it go grey, naturally. Even that takes time if you have been covering it up for a time. Cut it short and start from scratch. The results will be different and everything can change, from the colour and length of our hair, to what we do and more importantly how we feel about our SELF.

Live the life you love and love the life you live!

Life is good, isn’t it!

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“I’ve changed my mind.” is a full sentence. Just like “No.” we need not say more.

Do we “need” an explanation from others when they say this to us? Why?

Does a decision really need to be explained or defended? Is it really our business?

Could it be about respecting others and the decisions they make for themselves?

Is it just a bad habit that can be amended by no longer asking for an explanation?

Just wondering what you think…

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University of You Montreal Group Coaching Workshop

Is it time for a change?

Are you stuck?

Do you know which way to go next?

Are you at a crossroads in your life?

New Launch date information for October 2011 coming shortly!

For more information or to let me know of interest in an upcoming group:

Call Tammy Rowland @ 514-918-5476

For more details check out the “coming events” page.

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A dear friend mentioned that self esteem comes from our parents. This was not news to me as I thought it was about our sense of value and that it most likely came from our parents…they/we are always the culprits. More importantly and specifically it is from being consciously listened to with eye contact. This sounds simple right? Not so simple these days. The busier we are the more things we are doing at the same time fracturing our attention from others. Not on purpose as if we don’t care, we just feel the pressure of time bearing down on us and are not present in the moment.

How about when you are chatting on the phone with a friend, are you doing the dishes or feeding the dog? I have noted that there have been times when I have been doing several things simultaneously and stopped to wonder what I was doing. Writing is one thing that I do not or maybe cannot do at the same time as anything else. Working with clients is another time I can stay focused on just the other person, but as that is mostly over the telephone eye contact is rarely a part of it. Listening with intention becomes primary and equally effective when the voice is all you have. Meditation is another but almost all else it is a real effort to stay focused on just one thing, or person.

Okay, go back. Go way back (for some of us it may feel like an eternity) to when you were a child. What kind of attention did your mom give you? Was your mom attentive to you when you were a wee one toddling around? For some, you may answer “of course she was!” But for many you either hope she was, don’t know or are sure she was not.

Mom may have been overwhelmed with many children and depended on older siblings to help take care of your needs or maybe even off at work before you were even one year old. Things have changed and moms get to stay home longer than say thirty years ago. Is it possible she was at home baking cookies when you got home from school? Or was she frantically trying to get everything in the house done like laundry and supper then baths and snacks with no real time to even read a book and tuck you in with a big hug.

Was there real time for listening? Can you envision in your mind’s eye her looking into yours with loving care and attention? Some of you can and some of you are getting a little uncomfortable now and maybe even a bit resentful. This is not my goal here. It’s about how we all can make a difference for others while we go along in our day. How can we affect our children’s, parents, friends and associates lives? One person at a time we can raise their self-esteem, their sense of personal value by giving them a small moment of your time.

If you don’t think that listening has value, just go back and think about someone who did – maybe your dad, grandparent, neighbor, relative, teacher or friend. When they took the time to really give you that care and attentive listening – how did you feel? I know that I felt special. I felt worthwhile. I felt wanted. I felt cared about. I felt loved! I no longer felt invisible in the world, even if just for a moment. Somebody thought that what I had to say was important. It felt GREAT!

Even just eye contact with a stranger walking by can more often than not elicit a smile of knowing. Knowing that they really are alive and seen by at least one other person can lift their spirit. We can go along our days unconsciously hardly seeing another person or we can make a decision that we matter enough, others matter enough to give them the time and care to stop, look and listen.

If you want to lift the SPIRIT through the self esteem of our world one person at a time, please forward this post on.

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It is important to remember that we are energy. Einstein told us that. And energy cannot be created or destroyed, it just changes form. Rhonda Byrne

What does your energy feel like today? Does it feel warm and fuzzy or overwhelmed and difficult, electric and vibrating, exhausted and dragging or calm and relaxed? Let me know how you feel.

How does your energy look? Black and cold, red and raging or brown and boring…white and illuminating or maybe yellow and cozy, how about bright and light you tell me…

Do you depend on a hit of energy from a power drink, coffee, chocolate or some outside source instead of from within?

You have a choice and if you want support on where to go from here or how to focus that energy in the way you want, well I have a tele-forum for you!

Check it out on the events page or just click here!

https://tammyrowlandcoaching.wordpress.com/upcomingevents/

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false]Realize the Life You Want with Time and Energy to Spare!

Do you want …to have more time doing the fun stuff with family and friends?

…more vacations- short and extended? …long weekends – ALWAYS!

____________________________________-(YOU fill in the Blank)

Do you think you work best under pressure but regularly miss the mark?

Are there deadlines for goals that are not met so you don’t get the bonus,

paycheck, or client you really want? What’s the “REAL” cost to being Rushed, Stressed, Hurried and Worried?

When you think about how much work it takes to build your business, do you feel Exhausted and Overwhelmed?

Have Time Management books left no lasting results? Have you misplaced the joy and balance between work and your personal life?

Can you remember the last time you were “PRESENT” during “fun times”?

Not thinking or worrying about work when you were doing the “fun stuff”

knowing everything was taken care of?

Or being at work thinking you “SHOULD” be with the family or elsewhere?

How Much More Money Will You Make When You Master Time & Energy?

 What is it worth to you to master you psychology and have your life back?

This “Elite Tele-forum Series” will be held by conference call.

Participants are Professionals who want support, personal development and well being.

This Tele-forum will impact…

Your health, your relationships, your life that may feel like it’s passing you by, the feeling of being alivePlus Your attractiveness to your clients and no more missed opportunity!

You will learn everything you need to know to get control of your time! You will get MORE energy to clear the chaos and free up your time to live your BEST life!

This “Elite Tele-forum Series” is limited to an exclusive 16 for Participation purposes!

Tuesday’s from 7:30-9 p.m. EST on September 6, 13, & 27th, 2011

Your investment in yourself is a low introductory offer of $199 –

When you register with a friend you will pay only $149- (+taxes)

 At this price it will fill quickly, so call Tammy and Register NOW!

514-918-5476 or email at tammyrowland@bell.net

For more info and testimonials head over to the events page.

“I look forward to supporting you!”

TAMMY ROWLAND, Coach University CEG Graduate

Member of the International Coach Federation
Contact Tammy at 514-918-5476 or email tammyrowland@bell.net

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Have you ever put something off until later, and later never came?

Maybe you rationalized that it really could be done later, and then later becomes last minute.

Does procrastination seem like a destination?

A place you go when you don’t want to get something else done?

Have you turned procrastination into a science or event?

Each time you schedule in that “JOB” something “MORE IMPORTANT” must be done first.

When you put that “task” off do you feel justified somehow?

When you look back at the “deed” do you often feel like you were just being lazy?

Procrastination or laziness, which is it?

Does any of this sound vaguely familiar?

In the Wikipedia dictionary the meaning of these two words are this;

Laziness is disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so. It is often used as a pejorative; related terms for a person seen to be lazy include couch potato and slacker.

Procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time… Procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt and crisis

Procrastination may come from different sources.

 Fear is huge including the fears of success or failure. There are many things that could sit in wait keeping you afraid to act so be open to feelings to be sure fear is not the culprit.

 Self doubt is another whopper.  The feeling that you can’t do it or won’t complete a project or time can keep us from ever starting. You may just have a sense that you just cannot!

 How about confusion? Are you not sure where to start or which way to go or any number of dilemmas of indecision that leave you confused?

Are you completely overwhelmed by the task or life? You may be overwhelmed by just what you are putting off or maybe you are putting everything off!  EVERYTHING IS JUST TOO MUCH! (Sorry for the yelling…)

 

The biggest issue I can have with procrastination is that it can cause other pain. The creation of stress and guilt that regularly follows may affect our health so the benefits of just doing it far outweigh putting it off. We don’t know that when we are avoiding the item, not consciously anyway. If we were truly conscious we would think the whole thing through and just “get ‘er done!” It is faster than all the mental gymnastics involved in plotting and planning another possible time to look at it and potentially put it off, again. I say we as I know I am not alone in this.

So how do we cut out that darn procrastination for good? I figure the easiest way is the direct way. Ask some pretty direct questions.

Why am I putting ‘IT’ off? Be honest here!

How does that feel? No really, how does that really feel inside?

What are the benefits for putting it off? Write down as many as possible.

What would be the down side for putting it off?  Make the list full!

How does that feel?

What would be the benefits for completing it NOW?

How will I feel if it was completed? Make a full list!

Remember a time when a task was completed that was being put off?

How did it feel?

This is a terrific start but is not a complete list by any means. A Life Coach would assist you in digging deep to get to the source but you really can do this for yourself, I know you can! You are worth the effort to get to the bottom of this once and for all! I know you are- I am in your corner. You may have someone else in your corner that you can go through these questions with or just pull out a journal and start writing. Who knows what cool awareness you will unearth?  If you are reading this blog I am guessing you are interested in growth so this exercise may give you a revelation – a starting point.

The way I see this is you are worth any effort that you can take to make your life what you want. Life is much too short to spend any of it doing things you do not want to. If your job is not something you love, than start planning to do something you would love doing. Maybe you need an attitude adjustment or a job adjustment. The time and effort you spend procrastinating can be spent researching what your life purpose is or if you already know it, bringing it to fruition. You deserve to live in joy! What can make you joyful today?

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7 THINGS TO GIVE YOUR BELOVED

1-      LOVE ~ Love him/her from where you are today. Not where you wish you were or were yesterday. This way you can enjoy the moment for what it is not expecting it to be different. Yesterday I was annoyed so that would be a lousy place to love him from. I may already be projecting a difficult situation I have to deal with tomorrow and be overwhelmed by it while my beloved has no clue how I feel.

2-      ACCEPTANCE ~ All my beloved wants is for me to take him as he is…not TRY to change him. This took some time to get to, but what a gift it is to spend time with someone with no agendas on either part. Controlling comes in many forms…just ask me!

3-      UNDERSTANDING ~ When they need to talk- they only want you to listen, unless they ask for an opinion- DON”T OFFER ONE! When they want your opinion, DON”T TRY TO FIX IT! When they need your expertise, unless they ask you to do it for them- DON”T TAKE OVER!

4-      LAUGHTER ~ Lighten up! Watch funny stuff like comedies, kid’s movies and cartoons together that will make you laugh. Laugh at your beloved’s jokes no matter how often you have heard them. There aren’t enough reasons to laugh, so make some up as you go along. Nobody gets me like my beloved and vice-versa, so we have tons of private jokes. Call during the day just to share in intimate chuckle, it will make your day. Life is way too short to spend it seriously.

5-      SPACE ~ This can mean both physical and mental space. I need to do things by myself – for myself and so does my beloved. We check with each other to be sure it does not inflict badly on each other, but we take time for ourselves. The mental space took me forever to sort out. It’s the space you need to think and come to your own thoughts and decisions about a thing. That means I don’t try to control the direction of my beloved’s thoughts or hurry the process along to an answer, just give the space needed for it to arise. It surprisingly doesn’t take that much time. REALLY!

6-      TIME ~ Don’t be so caught up in your own space and time that you neglect the relationship. It needs to be nurtured by both parties. You can only affect your part so step up. Start out small so as not to smother or become controlling about it. If come to gently, your beloved will come along willingly. Find a few things that you can do together where you may interact and create more opportunities to laugh and grow your intimacy. Cartoons are one thing but a walk in the park holding hands has a completely different feel about it.

7-      PUPPIES ~ This seems like a funny thing but it kind of goes along with the space thingy. My beloved always wanted a puppy. I said no after having kids, dogs (both from a previous marriage-only the kids came as a package into this one) and cats up to that point, I knew how much work was in it for me (who is in the home WAY more then my beloved). Finally after about 17 years together, kids grown and flown the coop, I surrendered to this cute puppy (from hell, actually), he was thrilled. It brought out the playful child in him. He (we) gets more exercise and spends time  in nature and outdoors playing and walking the dog. Who knew the affect an animal could have. We always had cats but a dog is truly a different relationship. Do what you will but if he REALLY wants a puppy, and you have some time on your hands, like 2 years for training, GO FOR IT! You (eventually) won’t be sorry.

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