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Posts Tagged ‘Thought’

Time…how is it treating you?

Does time get away from you? Is there enough time in your day…your Life? Do you do the things you really want to do? Is your time filled with other peoples priorities? Is there just too much to do in the 24 hours of your day? Is it all you can do to not pull the blankets over your head because your day is already overwhelming and you have not even put your feet on the floor yet?

I used to feel overwhelmed every day. I said “yes” before thinking about what I was saying “no” to. This left me with resentment, exhaustion and completely overwhelmed. In the end no time left for me or what was important to me. What energy could I possibly have left to enjoy what was important to me? NONE!

Have you taken some time recently to do absolutely nothing? Spending it wistfully waiting for the calm in your mind? Listening to your breath? Slowly coming to the present moment…the moment when it is only the stillness of your body and mind in sync with that particular moment of time. Sitting comfortable or maybe laying on the floor or on a blanket on the ground under a tree. Breathe in through your nose, to the count of 4 – hold for a count of 4, blow out through your mouth to the count of 4. Again…and again…

Is it not working yet? Keep going – until you feel the little hair on your top lip move from the in breath and the air over your lips on the out. Until you feel the inhale deep in the lower parts of your lungs as it expands on every breath in and drops on the exhale. This may not be easy but it is simple – awareness – thoughtfulness. When you finally get the hang of it you can enjoy the peace of that moment and notice what enters your mind. Acknowledge it and set it free coming back to counting every time.

When you feel fully relaxed you may open your eyes and notice what is around you. Your ability to focus sharpens through this process so things you see will seem brighter and clearer. Ideas will be quite vivid and formed. You can feel clearly connected to your intuition within this space.

I was quite amazed how I felt at first! The true calmness of my mind was unexpected. My body was relaxed but I had not experience such quiet in my head…not gerbils running amok on the wheels in my head. I needed more of this feeling, but it took many times and some years before my mind emptied so regularly I had to check in to be sure that it was still working! It worked overtime for decades!

This practice allowed me to figure out what was important to me. How was I going to simplify so that I could live in a way that was in line with what I wanted…not what the rest of the world seemed to want from me. I needed the peace in my head to give me space to hear what the Universe, my Higher Power or God had in store for me. My ideas were not working so well so I needed to learn how to turn ME off. Decisions come easier, as well. This practice was a great start to that process. It gave me…time. I gratefully took it.

I believe that anyone can learn how to do this. I am sure that some of you are masters at this, I am still a novice to be sure. I am not a silent retreat person, although I have heard of people who go on these retreats for up to ten days! I am not ready for that but I can sit and read for an entire day under the umbrella on the back deck only occasionally talking to my dog, Max. Looking up to watch the bird at the feeder two feet away or a bee collecting pollen from the flowers just beyond my knees can give me an incredible moment of delight. I can enjoy watching the sheets flap in the wind on the clothes line knowing that they will be fresh and crisp on our bed tonight. The full enjoyment of many such moments are meditation to me as all else leaves my mind in peace…these are the moments that remind me to live in the moment.

“This too shall pass” was not a statement made for only the uncomfortable or difficult moments. It is also for those moments of pure joy that will pass onto the regular moments of life. When we get really good at living, there can be an incredible peace that hits us when we can relish the wonderfulness in the  moments we are living – as they are lived. Now that is perfection! I don’t expect to get to perfection, but life can feel perfect one moment at a time – maybe a couple of times in my day. For now that feels pretty perfect to me!

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[tweetmeme source=trcoaching only_single=false] There is this guy who walks his dog daily and meets all kinds of people doing the same. It is generally a good experience but not always. Not all dogs like each other, sort of like people. They can be aggressive, controlling, angry, frustrated and afraid as well. There are also the timid, calm, quiet submissive types as well as the happy ones,  but don’t push them around as they will not put up with it. Together they have greeted many dogs and most but not all have been good experiences.

One day a dog came from an open door of a home at full charge causing great concern that both he and his dog were under attack. This wasn’t their first contact, the last time they met this dog he was quite aggressive. Dogs can be wary of other dogs but even if they are- don’t usually charge. Spend some time in a dog park and you get to see all kinds of greetings, this dog was out to be boss and there was no way to know in advance how this was to turn out!

The guy walking his dog kicked the charging dog as he was all over his own dog. The dog was not hurt and came at the dog again so he kicked a second time afraid his dog would get hurt. This was absolutely a reaction from fear.  Was it uncalled for or an over-reaction, only someone in the exact situation could possibly know, but ultimately he felt awful. This is not who he is or what he does. The other dog owner finally got his dog off and into the house and both dogs were  okay.

The owner of the charger came out yelling and screaming. This was a neighbor and the last thing you want between neighbors is this kind of issue. He apologized several times for kicking the dog, but he really felt under attack. The charging dog’s owner thought this was a perfectly normal greeting for dogs so would not accept his apology. You never hear an owner whose dog attacked someone say, “I knew that would happen!” No, it’s always”he has never hurt another dog or human before!”

There had never been anything but a friendly greeting between him and his neighbor and had only just seen him not five minutes prior and said hello to him in his car. This was not good at all. The neighbor yelled, walked away, and then came back a couple of times to harass this guy who is now questioning his reaction.

Here is his issue.   Second guessing himself and always thinking that he did not only do something wrong and make a mistake, he “should have done it right!”  Is it possible to be right all the time I ask? No but it is because I am not doing something right. Do you think it is possible to be right all the time?  Of course not but I shouldn’t have reacted that way. How would you have done it differently? There was a pause before he answered – probably not. What do you wish were different? The other guys reaction or even if he kept his door closed so I wouldn’t have felt the need to protect myself.

So there was nothing you could have done differently, only the other guy? Yes, I did all I could and he probably would have done the same thing in my situation. The only other thing I could have done was drop my dogs leash so he could have protected himself but it could have gotten much worse and one or both dogs could have been hurt. Okay so you could not have had control over the other person or his dog? No, I could not. So is there anything else you could do? No, just wait and hopefully it will blow over and he will let this go.

People live from their perception. Both this guy and his neighbor have a different perception of the event. It was present based but not inclusive, neither believed the same thing or that the reactions from each other to the event were warranted. The dog walker could see things through the other guys eyes to some extent, he would not want someone to kick his dog either. He felt that if his dog was charging someone else he would have done anything including a kick if that is what it takes to stop the attack. Will the other guy see the opposite viewpoint, unlikely unless a cooler head prevails if ever.

Sometimes we can take a step back to see things from a different angle and get more understanding. Things may not be as they seem, as often there is information you do not know or see or understand or agree with given your own set of values and standards. Does this mean that you need to drop these to get what’s going on? Maybe only long enough to see through their eyes so you may be able to let it go. Our standards maybe high, but if they are so high that we feel bad about every mistake made, believing we “should have known or done something perfect” we may need assistance to get perspective on them. We will be working on “perfectionism” in the future I am sure!

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